


Auror Undercover

by Love4lupinalways



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Beginnings, F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-16
Updated: 2017-03-27
Packaged: 2018-09-25 00:19:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 24,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9794060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Love4lupinalways/pseuds/Love4lupinalways
Summary: Nymphadora Tonks is a relatively junior officer in the Auror corps at the Ministry of Magic. A few months after Sirius Black escapes from Azkaban, she is finally given a shot at joining the search. Her first undercover mission is to a small village in Northern Ireland, where she is tasked with getting close to a reclusive werewolf who had recently resigned his teaching position at Hogwart's. The key to this mission is that Remus Lupin was one of Black's closest friends when they were younger, and may know how to get in contact with him. What Tonks wasn't counting on was finding the other half of her heart.





	1. Tonks Gets a Mission

            “Auror Tonks.” A deep, gravelly voice pulled Nymphadora Tonks out of a bored stupor. Embarrassed to be caught staring off into space, the young officer snapped her head up and met the eyes of Kingsley Shacklebot, her supervisor.  

            Tonks’s eyes were wary as she took in the stern face leaning over the top of her cubicle, and mentally kicked herself for allowing her mind to wander. “Yes, sir?” she asked, waiting for whatever punishment he decided to inflict. She flinched as his arm came over the top of the divider and he dropped a thick file on her desk.

            “This is your next mission, officer. You leave in three days. Come see me after you’ve read through this and we’ll discuss your arrangements.” Kingsley’s arm slithered back out of view and he walked away before Tonks could think of a reply.

            “Well, that wasn’t so bad,” she muttered to herself, dropping her gaze to the folder on her desk. She flopped back into her chair and blew the purple fringe of bangs out of her eyes before she scooped up the information. She flicked her fingers at her wireless, tuning it to play softly, then leaned back in her chair, propped her boots on her desk and settled in to read. The file was an inch thick, and Tonks wrinkled her nose as she opened it.

            The photograph clipped to the inside caught her attention. It seemed to be some kind of staff photo- the man in it was dressed in formal robes, his expression serious. He wasn’t smiling, but his face wasn’t unpleasant either. His brown eyes looked sad as he watched the camera, and even though his lips had settled into a flat line, she could see that they curved generously when he did smile, given the laugh lines at the corners. His eyebrows were nicely shaped and curved gracefully away from a slightly crooked nose, and a jagged scar curved down the side of his face. Most of it was hidden under his longish sideburns, but she could see the white skin skirting the line of his jaw.

            “Looks like he’s been in a few,” Tonks murmured to herself, continuing to study the picture. His hair was brown with small gray patches at the temples, and it fluttered gently at the nape of his neck as a breeze blew through the photograph. A sheaf of brown bangs lay across his forehead, just begging to be brushed away. As she watched, something caught his attention off camera, and she sucked in a breath at the transformation his face made when he smiled. His eyes crinkled at the corners and his lips curved as his white teeth flashed in a grin, and the clean-shaven skin turned slightly pink with amusement.

            “Well, damn,” Tonks muttered. “This bloke is going to be easy on the eyes, at least.” She smiled, and then spent a few moments in distraction land as she plotted on how best to make him smile again. Realizing the trail her thoughts were taking, Tonks harrumphed loudly and tore her eyes away from the man’s face. She looked at the next page, avoiding the photo, and sucked in a breath.

            “Remus John Lupin, lycanthrope,” the first line read in large, bold letters. Beneath the name, his date of birth, date of infection, known markings and family were listed.

            “He was just a boy,” Tonks whispered, pity flooding her chest as she returned her gaze to his picture. She did some quick math and realized he was in his mid-thirties. She was not surprised when her initial estimate was off by more than a decade, given his condition. With a last glance at the now somber face looking back at her, Tonks leaned forward and began reading through the rest of the file.

            “Student at Hogwarts, wonder how Dumbledore managed that,” she muttered, as her eyes scanned the page. The list of former occupations covered the rest of it, and she grimaced when she realized it was most likely due to his affliction. Werewolves had a hard life; being an Auror gave Tonks an inside look at how they suffered in their regular lives as well as in their transformed state. When she read the last entry, she shifted her eyes back to the photo.

            “A professor, huh,” she said, smiling softly. “You look like a professor, a damn good one, I imagine, especially if Dumbledore recruited you.” Lupin’s face didn’t respond, and Tonks shook her head. “Talking to photographs now,” she muttered, glancing over her shoulder to see if anyone was listening. “They’ll think I’m a nutter for sure if they hear that.” Tonks squared her shoulders and planted her booted feet on the ground under her desk. She looked once more at Lupin’s photo, and then turned the page, resigning herself to an afternoon spent reading boring paperwork.

            Tonks looked up from the file an hour later, her brain feeling like it was going to explode. Lupin was a werewolf, a former professor, a jack of all trades, and apparently, a known affiliate of Sirius Black, the mass murderer who had escaped from Azkaban the year before. Sirius Black also happened to be a second cousin to Nymphadora Tonks, on her mother’s side. The Auror’s office had been after him ever since the breakout and there hadn’t been a sighting of the villain in weeks. Tonks hadn’t been on the case- even though she had only met her cousin a few times before that fateful Halloween night, she was deemed to be too closely related to be objective, and was barred from helping with the search.

            _“Why now?”_ Tonks thought to herself, curious as to why this file had landed on her desk. The last page had been an outline of her mission- she was supposed to go undercover as a potions master in a small Irish village where Lupin had taken up residence. He reportedly bought his monthly Wolfsbane potion from the small apothecary shop, came to town once a week to buy his groceries and supplies, and otherwise kept to himself. He had resigned from his position at Hogwarts at the end of the last school term, and as far as she could tell from the file, he hadn’t found steady work since. Tonks’s mission was to watch him when he came to the village, and see who he talked to or met with, watch what he purchased, and determine if he had had any contact with Sirius Black. The mission seemed straight forward, but something was niggling at the back of her brain.

            _“I’ve never been allowed to touch the Sirius Black stuff, and now they want me to go undercover and get the inside scoop from one of his oldest friends?”_ Tonks argued with herself in her mind, desperate to accept the mission, but also curious as to why _her_ , of all people? That question was answered a little while later when she finally made her way to Kingsley Shacklebot’s office. ‘        

            “Officer Tonks,” the deep voice greeted her when she poked his head around the door. “Come in. I trust you read the file?” He waved his wand at the chair across from him, and Tonks had to hold back a snicker at the pile of junk that flew across the room and landed on the small book case in the corner. She sat down, the file in her hand, and watched her boss watch her.

            “I did, sir,” she said, her fingers tap dancing on the cover. “I have to ask, sir, but why me? I haven’t been on any part of the Sirius Black case due to my family background. If you want me to spy on this Lupin to find out where Black might be…” her voice trailed off.

            Kingsley leaned back in his chair and braced his elbows on its arm rests. His fingers tented over his belly, and Tonks winced inwardly as she recognized the “instructor’s pose”. His lips twitched as he watched her thoughts slide across her face and knew exactly what she was thinking. Tonks flushed, and sat up straight in her chair. The silence dragged on, and Tonks wanted to shift in her seat to break the tension, but stubbornly held still. Finally, he leaned forward and rested his hands on the desk.

            “We chose you, Tonks, specifically _because_ you’ve been kept off the Black case. No one who knows Black knows you. You won’t be recognized, and you received an outstanding on your N.E.W.T’s in potions. You were at the top of your class for potions at Hogwarts and you’ve got the highest potions marks of the entire corps. You aren’t going to be simply taking up space in the apothecary- you will be brewing, among other things, Wolfsbane. I don’t have to tell you how difficult that particular brew is to do correctly. And, before you object- yes, we know you’re a metamorphagus. In this case, changing your appearance won’t help you.” He paused then, and let the information sink in.

            Tonks watched him through shrewdly narrowed eyes. “What do you mean, changing my appearance won’t help?” she asked.

            Kingsley smiled, waiting for it to dawn on the young Auror. He saw when it did and was pleased with his and Moody’s assessment when she proved her cleverness.

            “Oh.” She said. “He’s a werewolf. That means his senses are heightened, right? And if they are, that means his nose is pretty unstoppable. Changing my appearance doesn’t change my scent.” Tonks looked down at the file in her hand when she finished speaking, processing her thoughts. “So,” she started, her eyes rising to his, her face stern. “Does that mean I’m going in as myself? Or in disguise?”

            Shacklebot kept his face neutral even though he could feel the grin tugging. He bit the inside of his lip to quell the urge, and then replied “I thought I would leave that up to you, Tonks. You’ll be there for a while. Whatever appearance you choose, you’re going to have to hold it. We can’t risk him getting suspicious- he’s our only link to Black right now.”

            Tonks nodded and sat back against her chair, pondering her appearance. She realized Kingsley was still staring at her and knew their conversation wasn’t over yet. “You said arrangements, sir? What kind of arrangements?”

            Shacklebot and Tonks spent the next half hour going over her housing, employment and mission details. “You can cast a patronus, correct, officer?” Kingsley’s face gave nothing away as he asked the question.

            Without answering, Tonks circled her wand and a jackrabbit bounded across the room, one ear bent and the other straight, its buck teeth appearing to grin. When Kingsley’s eyes met hers, they both laughed. “Well, that makes sense, actually,” he said, his voice friendly. “Very well then- we will communicate through Owl post, but if you need a faster response or need help with anything, or if you spot Black, send a patronus. We’ll dispatch a squad from the Ireland field office- they will get to you faster.”

            Tonks nodded and let her patronus fizzle out. She gathered up the file on Lupin, stood and reached across the desk to shake Kingsley’s hand. “I won’t let you down, sir. If Lupin knows where Black is, I’ll get it out of him.” Tonks’s face was relaxed, but Kingsley could feel the energy pulsing when their hands met, and had to hold back another grin. _“Moody did a damn fine job with this one,”_ he thought to himself, before pushing the silliness away and adopting his regular, stern face.

            “All right then, officer. You leave in three days- finish up what paperwork is on your desk and leave your open cases with Lettie. I will see that they get reassigned. Take tomorrow and the next day to make your arrangements and let your family know you will be out of reach. This mission is top secret- don’t tell anyone where you’re going or why. I expect to see you again Monday morning before dawn, ready to leave. I will escort you to the field office in Ireland, and from there, someone will direct you to the village. You are to meet Mr. Liam McDonough at the apothecary shop Monday morning at eight am sharp.”

            Tonks’s eyes flashed when she heard the time, and Kingsley had to bite the inside of his lip again to keep from laughing at the look she tried to hide from him. _“Ha, before dawn. She won’t know what to do with herself, getting up that early,”_ he chortled silently. She nodded her head at him, and then strode out of the office, not noticing when Kingsley conjured his own patronus and sent it off with a hastily murmured message.


	2. A Home Cooked Meal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tonks has dinner with her parents before leaving for Ireland

           Tonks left the office that day, half disappointed that she was giving up her case load, and half elated that she was finally _doing_ something. She glanced down at her outfit when she stepped onto the London sidewalk outside the Ministry, and grimaced. _“I highly doubt rocker shirts and jeans are the clothing of choice for village potioneers,”_ she thought to herself, and resolved to go shopping for more discreet clothing. She made sure no one was looking, then Apparated herself into the small, cramped living room of her flat. She swapped her Auror robes for a hooded jacket, and kicked off her combat boots. Sliding her feet into her runners, she magicked the laces, grabbed the key to her Gringott’s vault, and morphed her appearance. Once her hair was bright pink and spikey, she Apparated again.

            Two hours later, she returned with her arms laden with bags. “Let’s see, jumpers, trousers, sensible shoes, boring robes, toiletries…” she murmured to herself, dividing up her purchases. Once she got them all packed, she shrunk the suitcase down and left it on the table by the door. The sky was beginning to darken and her stomach growled, reminding her she had skipped lunch while reading Lupin’s file. She paused, letting his picture settle in her mind for a moment. _“He really is an attractive bloke,”_ she thought, as she considered his sad eyes. Shaking herself from her reverie when her stomach growled again, she grabbed some green powder, threw it into the fireplace, and stumbled into her parents’ home.

            “Well really, Nymphadora!” came her mother’s startled voice when Tonks emerged from the chimney, stumbling, coughing and waving at her face. When she got control of herself, she shot a grin at her mother then crossed the room to hug her.

            “Hi, mum. I love you,” she said, hoping to dispel whatever rant was coming.

            “Oh. Well, I love you too, darling,” Andromeda replied, her face softening. She drew Tonks in for another hug, and kissed her on the cheek. “You really do need to work on your entrance dear,” she said with a laugh, before letting her daughter go. “Your father is outside, go bring him in and we’ll have supper.” Andromeda’s hand gently patted a cheek and then she turned away, stirring something that smelled divine on the stove.

            Tonks’s stomach growled loudly, earning a laugh from her mum, and she turned away, her heart feeling warm and happy. When she stepped on the back porch, the warm feeling expanded as she saw her father, bent over his flowers, muttering to himself as he rooted for gnomes.

            “Wotcher, da,” she said, her voice loud and vibrating as she tried not to laugh. Ted Tonks was a bear of a man, and to see him puttering around dainty flowers wearing a straw hat and garden apron was too much. She grinned when he looked up, a smile blazing across his face in the fading light. Dropping the gnome he was holding by the hair, he stood and strode toward his daughter, shucking his gloves as he moved.

            “Dora,” he said happily. “Come to see your old man, eh?” He laughed when her stomach answered him with another gurgle. “Ah,” he said. “Come for your mother’s cooking then,” he said with a wink. He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tight, murmuring into her ear that he loved her, then tickled her ribs as he stepped back. Nymphadora matched her features to her father’s, and together they returned to the kitchen.

            “Oh Ted, do go wash up,” Andromeda said when she saw the dirt smudges on his face and clothes. Ted winked at his daughter, kissed his wife on the cheek and made sure to rub just the tiniest bit of dirt there before dashing for the stairs. Tonks’s laughter followed him from the room. Andromeda waved her wand to set the table, and placed her hand on Tonks’s wrist as she reached to help carry the food. “I’ve got it dear, just go sit down,” she said with a gentle smile. Tonks snorted, amused at her mother’s casual acceptance of her clumsiness, and took a seat.

            When Ted came back downstairs, he was wearing a fresh shirt and the dirt smears were gone. His eyes sparkled when they settled on his wife, and Tonks smiled as he tugged Andromeda close for a kiss. _“I want that, some day,”_ she thought to herself as she waited for the snogging to stop. Her stomach growled again, and her parents broke apart, laughing and smiling across the room at their daughter. Ted and Andromeda settled at the table, and laughed again when Tonks tore into the pasta her mother had set in the center.

            Over dinner, Tonks told them about her meeting with Kingsley. She explained that she was going undercover and would be gone an undetermined length of time. “Don’t worry, mum. It’s not anything dangerous, it’s just a really long-term stakeout,” she said, when her mother’s eyes narrowed.

            “Where will you be, Dora love?” asked her father.

            “That’s the thing, da. I can’t tell you. Kingsley told me it’s top-secret and I can’t even tell you where I’ll be, let alone what I’ll be doing. I can owl you, occasionally, but I can’t tell you where I am.”

            Tonks watched as her parents shared a look, and sighed inwardly. If she hadn’t been so hungry, she would have just sent an owl Monday morning after she’d left. But, she had been desperately hungry, and wanted to see her parents before going since she didn’t know when she would be back. “Mum, da, I promise. It’s not a dangerous mission, and I’m not going anywhere unsafe. I’m a junior officer- they don’t send us to do the really dangerous stuff. I promise.” Tonks knew her explanation was falling on deaf ears, just as she knew they couldn’t help worrying about her. She was their only child, after all, and she wasn’t exactly known for being graceful or steady on her feet.

            Andromeda and Ted glanced at each other again, and Tonks saw the acceptance on their faces. She knew they had more to say, especially her mother. Andromeda was a Black and could be quite formidable when she didn’t get her way. Thankfully, on this night she deferred to Ted’s more level-headedness and accepted that she wouldn’t change her daughter’s mind.

            “All right, darling. But I expect an owl a week, and I want to know that you’ve been keeping yourself fed,” she said, her voice softening as she smiled at her daughter. Tonks nodded at her mother’s words, and returned her attention to the pasta in front of her. Ted laughed as she took a second helping; Andromeda raised an eyebrow when she took a third. Tonks caught the glace they shared and smiled sheepishly. “I skipped lunch today,” she muttered, hunching her shoulders in case her mother started shouting.

            When she looked up at her mother again, she grinned when she saw the pursed lips and the silent rebuke in her eyes. _“If going undercover keeps mum from scolding me, I’m going to have to do it more often,”_ she thought to herself. Her mother’s eyes widened. “Damn,” Tonks said. Ted laughed so hard he nearly choked.

            “Darling, you really should be able to control yourself better than that,” he said, gasping for breath. “Your face is an open book, love.” Tonks blushed and dropped her eyes to her plate, finishing the last few bites of spaghetti and sauce to avoid making conversation. Finally, her plate was empty, and she raised her gaze to her mother’s. Andromeda was still watching her, but this time, a smile tugged at the corner of her lips.

            “I’ll remember that, darling, the next time you come calling with a growling stomach,” she said, her voice firm, but her eyes alight with laughter. Tonks knew it was an empty threat and grinned back at her mother. “But, just for that, dear, you get an apple for dessert. We’ll have to save the cake for next time.” Andromeda nodded sharply and smiled when Tonks’ mouth dropped open. Ted chuckled again and wisely kept quiet, then rose to begin clearing the table.

            Tonks and her mother settled in the living room, waiting for Ted to join them, and watched the fire crackle. “You know I only worry because I love you,” Andromeda said softly. Her voice drew Tonks’s gaze, and her eyes met her mothers.

            “I know, mum. And I love you too. But I’m an Auror. I have to go where they tell me and do what they tell me to do. Sometimes it will be dangerous. Sometimes, I won’t be able to tell you about it. This is my job, mum. I have to do it. And this time, it’s not dangerous. I’m not going to battle, I’m not going to arrest anyone. Honestly, I’m going to be brewing potions.” Tonks knew she had to give her mother something- brewing potions seemed innocuous enough.

            “Oh darling, that’s wonderful,” her mother exclaimed. “I knew that “O” would come in handy some time. You know that Severus rarely gives them out,” she said, proud that her daughter was one of the few in recent years to receive one. Tonks grunted, remembering her years stuck in the dingy basement potions laboratory at Hogwarts, suffering under Snape’s pithy comments and snarky attitude. He had hated her ability to change her appearance, and even though she had gotten more detentions from him than any other teacher at the school, she had excelled at his subject. For that, she had earned his grudging respect by the time of her N.E.W.T.S.

            Shaking herself to banish Snape’s image, she looked up as her father joined them. He settled next to her on the sofa and flung an arm across the back. Tonks took the invitation as she always had, and snuggled into his side. She had always felt safest here, tucked into his embrace, and even though she was twenty-one now, it was still her favorite place to be. The small family passed another hour chatting about local gossip, happenings in London, and any family news she needed to be kept abreast of. When she started yawning, Ted dropped a kiss on the top her head.

            “Dora, love, it’s getting late,” he said. “I can take you upstairs if you like; your room is ready for you.”

            “That’s ok, da. I still have some things to take care of before I leave Monday. I need to be getting back to London.” She stretched to kiss him on the cheek, and then unfolded herself from the sofa. She wrapped her arms around her mum, who had stood to walk her to the floo, and murmured into her ear. Andromeda pulled back, her eyes glistening, and smiled at her daughter before patting her cheek again.

            “I mean it, Nymphadora. I expect an owl every week from you. And I want to know what you’ve been eating too. I don’t want you coming back all skin and bones when next we see you,” she said, her voice wavering.

            Dora hugged her mother again, blew a kiss at her father, and threw a handful of powder into the fireplace. “I will write you Monday after I’m settled, I promise. I love you both,” she said, as she stepped into the green flames. The last thing she saw was Ted settling his arms around Andromeda’s waist and drawing her in for a hug, and her mother’s face crumpling as she turned into his embrace.


	3. An Unexpected Guest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus Lupin had chosen the small village of Craigavon because it was far from anyone who knew him and he needed time. Someone has found him.

            Remus Lupin had spent the morning out in the woods near the small cottage that had been procured for him by Headmaster Dumbledore, trying to walk off his frustrations. His new home sat at the edge of the village of Craigavon in Northern Ireland. It was far from Ministry eyes and afforded the werewolf a private place to collect himself after his exit from Hogwarts two months past. When he pushed the wooden door open, Lupin stiffened, and allowed his hand to slowly drift to the wand in his pocket. As his fingers closed around the solid shaft, his eyes scanned the large room. It appeared to be empty, but Remus’s highly developed senses of smell and sound picked up an unexpected presence. His eyes scanned the room again, and settled on the stool at the kitchen table. It was pulled back slightly, and Lupin raised his wand toward it. As he did, a deep, gravelly voice broke the silence.

            “Aye lad, good for you. Good to see you haven’t lost your touch, then,” came the familiar rumble of Alastor “Mad-Eye” Moody. Lupin didn’t move, his wand still raised, and waited as the invisibility cloak was yanked away. Moody’s gnarled, scarred face and magical rolling eye appeared, followed by what passed for an approving smirk from the newly retired Auror. Lupin waited, saying nothing, as Moody’s one good eye met his. The man grunted, sounding amused, and Remus cocked an eye brow at him.

            “Aye, lad, I know. I know. Alastor Moody, most fearsome Auror of the corps, lost my nose to bloody Evan Rosier. Member of the Order of the Phoenix, recruited by Albus Dumbledore during the war, and here on his business.” Moody stood and stumped his way to the door as he spoke. He draped the cloak over an arm and reached the other out to Lupin, and grunted as the wand retreated before Lupin’s hand grasped his own.

            “Ye’ve got a keen sense, Lupin. You’d make a good Auror,” he grumbled as he turned back to the table. Remus snorted and his eyebrow climbed higher. As he followed Moody to the table, he clapped a hand to the man’s shoulder and chuckled.

            “Yes, I suppose I would, Alastor. Except for that pesky lycanthropy, that is.” Remus and Moody settled on the stools at the table and Lupin flicked his fingers to start a pot of tea. Remus was a naturally patient man, and sat with his hands folded before him as he waited for Moody to find a comfortable position on the stool. Finally the ex-auror grunted, and raised his beady eye to Lupin’s face.

            “Wandless, non-verbal magic, eh? You’d make a damn fine auror, Lupin, full moon or not.” Moody’s voice deepened when he was annoyed, and Remus wisely kept his mouth shut, allowing the older man to grumble a bit. When the kettle whistled, Lupin stood and pulled cups, spoons and sugar down from the cabinet. By the time he had set up the tea service and returned to his stool, Moody had run out of steam. With a last grumble, the man accepted his cup of tea and plopped some sugar in it then brought it to his mouth. Lupin, unfortunately, was not quick enough with his own cup to hide the grin that threatened his lips.        

            “I see that smirk, Remus Lupin,” Moody growled, his tone low. Remus gave up and let a laugh escape before calming enough to take a sip of tea.

            “Why have you come, Alastor?” When Lupin finally spoke, his voice was soft and his eyes stayed on the man across the table. His posture was relaxed, but Moody’s trained eye could see the tension along the younger man’s shoulders. The silence dragged on for a few moments as Moody planned how best to answer the question.

            “Alastor?” Remus shifted on his stool, leaning forward and folding his arms on the table. His tea sat forgotten as he studied Mad-Eye. “Why have you come here? I’ve resigned my position at Hogwarts. A bit difficult to teach children how to defend themselves against dark creatures when their parents find out their instructor is one as well. I’ve nothing to offer except conversation and tea, and I highly doubt you would travel all the way to Northern Ireland for that. So tell me, Mad-Eye. Why are you here?”

            Lupin’s tone had remained neutral, low and even, and Moody grunted. “All right then lad, all right. Read this, and then we’ll talk, Lupin.” Moody pulled a brown folder from inside his cloak and passed it across the table. When Lupin took it, Moody stood and walked around the table. “I’m going to stretch my legs. Just give me a shout when you’re done, aye?”

            With a quick nod, Remus dropped his eyes to the folder in front of him. Moody’s wooden leg stumped away, and by the time the cottage door thumped closed behind him, Remus’s concentration was elsewhere. _“The Order of the Phoenix”_ was scrawled across the cover in Albus Dumbledore’s distinctive writing and Remus hesitated as his fingers traced the letters. Finally, he took a deep breath and opened the cover.

            His breath caught as he saw the photos stuck to the inside. They were all about fifteen years old and showed many faces he hadn’t seen in nearly as long. Lupin’s heart slowed in his chest as he reached out a finger towards one in the upper corner. In it, a group of five stood, their arms all looped around shoulders and waists, smiles beaming from all their faces. “James,” he murmured, and his eyes catching on the ruffled black hair. “Lily, Sirius…” Lupin’s voice trailed off as he stroked a finger along the much-loved faces of his youth.  He pointedly ignored the small, round man at the end of the line; Peter Pettigrew wasn’t worth a moment of his time or memory.

            Instead, he focused on the other four faces- his own, his two best friends, and the only woman who had never looked at him with fear in her eyes when she found out what he was. As he watched, James leaned in and placed a quick kiss on Lily’s cheek and her face flushed pink when she smiled shyly at him. Sirius saw James’s distraction, reached an arm behind Lily and pointed his wand, and photo Remus laughed when James’s hair faded from black to Malfoy blonde.

            Overwhelming sadness fell over Lupin as he stared at that photo and remembered everything he had lost. He allowed himself to wallow for as long as he dared, knowing that Moody would be back for whatever he had come for in the first place. Stroking a finger over the photo one last time, he turned the page and began to read.

            An hour later, Remus was sitting at the table, staring at the door and waiting for Moody to return. When the man finally stumbled into the cottage, Lupin rose and grabbed the folder off the table. He met the auror halfway across the room and slapped the folder against his chest. “Whatever it is, Moody, find someone else,” he growled, before slamming the door open and striding into the yard. Nervous energy coursed through his body as Lupin prowled around the edge of the forest surrounding his home. Memories had come flooding back as soon as he opened the blasted cover, and they hadn’t stopped.

            Each page was a short biography of order members, and stamped across many of them had been the word “Deceased”. Lupin had choked back tears as he remembered the friends he had lost all those years ago. James’s photo had been taken the day his son, Harry, was born. The smile was so bright Lupin had felt blinded as he tried to read the information listed. He hadn’t been able to go on, knowing that Lily’s photo was next.

            He had slammed the file closed and set it on the table, folded his arms, and glowered at the door as he waited for Moody to return. Memories continued to assault him as the minutes passed, and by the time the door had opened, Lupin had been ready to tear the man apart with his hands. Indeed, if it had been closer to the full moon, he was angry enough to have done some pretty severe damage. As it was, the werewolf paced his small yard, flattening a path into the tall reeds and grasses as he waited for his blood to cool. When he was able to calm his breathing, his steps became slower and finally, he stopped. He was facing the trees, staring into them for answers, when he heard a cough behind him.

            Moody had stood in the doorway, watching as Lupin strode off his frustration and anger. _“I know how you feel, lad, they were my friends too,”_ he thought to himself as he waited. Finally, the pacing slowed, and then stopped, and Lupin had stood facing the trees. Unwilling to wait any longer, Moody coughed to get the man’s attention. He had to swallow a grin as he saw Lupin’s shoulders stiffen as he drew himself up tight _. “That’s the spirit, lad,”_ he thought to himself, retreating into the cottage as Lupin turned to face him. By the time Lupin’s body had filled the doorway, Mad-Eye Moody was settled on the uncomfortable stool once again. “Are ye ready then, Lupin?” he asked, when a shadow fell across him. Lupin nodded once, and returned to the table. When he was seated and as comfortable as he could be, his eyes met Moody’s. “What is it you need, Alastor?”

                                                                                                                             

            Lupin and Moody had talked late into the night. At some point, Lupin had cooked a quick meal of haddock and potato hash while Moody explained what Dumbledore needed. Lupin had always been a gifted student and his skill with words had followed him in the various jobs he had taken over the years. He could often find himself employment as a free-lance writer of some sort. Sometimes, it was articles for various muggle and magical journals and circulars, other times he had found work as a tutor in magical subjects. For one short period of time, he had worked in a muggle library, shelving books and working the research desk. Short of his year as the D.A.D.A instructor, that was his favorite line on his vast resume. Remus was sure of one thing- his writing and research skills were very well-rounded. And those skills were what Dumbledore needed.

            “Dumbledore wants you to become the Order’s official record keeper. He’s got all the old files from the last time, and needs the information in them updated.” Moody had finally gotten around to explaining his visit after supper. Lupin had provided another kettle of tea, and after accepting the task, they hammered out the details. Dumbledore would have the boxes delivered early the next week and would be providing a small stipend to pay for his monthly Wolfsbane, which was to be picked up at the apothecary in the village.

            Remus had finally gotten a chance to make use of the “miracle” potion in his year at Hogwart’s and his transformations since he had left had been miserable. He was looking forward to the relief the potion would bring, and rolled his shoulders unconsciously as he remembered the easier recovery and limited pain following Wolfsbane transformations.

            Finally, Moody shuffled the papers together and leaned away from the table. His magical eye rolled in its socket as he stretched his stiff shoulders and back. “Well then, Lupin, I expect Dumbledore will be contacting you soon. Keep an eye out for his owl.” He threw his cloak over his shoulders and stumped towards door. He grasped the knob in one scarred hand and hitched a shoulder when he turned to look back at the former professor. “Constant vigilance, Lupin,” he muttered. “You should also know- I’ve been asked to take over the defense position at Hogwarts. I thought I should be the one to tell you.” Then he nodded once and strode out into the darkness.

            Lupin was still sitting at the table, processing Moody’s last statement, and jumped when he heard the loud crack of Alastor apparating away. He shook his head to clear it and then set about cleaning up the remains of the tea and supper. He set his dishes to wash themselves, cleaned the table with a flick of his wand, and stepped to the small window above the sink. He gazed out at the dark sky, his mind reeling. He wasn’t sure how he was feeling- pleased for his friend, of course. But jealous as well. And angry. Angry that he had been outed and forced to resign. Parents hadn’t wanted their children to be taught by a werewolf, and he couldn’t honestly blame them. He had never really felt that he deserved to be teaching, no matter that it was all he ever wanted to do, no matter how much he had enjoyed it.

            His thoughts drifted, as they often did lately, to his teenage years at the school. To James and Sirius, to Severus. _Severus._   The name made him wince, and reflect on their relationship over the years. He had never really joined James and Sirius in their torment of the sallow Slytherin, but neither did he stop them, not even after the prefect’s badge had been pinned to his chest. He could call to mind any number of pranks his friends had pulled, some with more disastrous consequences than others. He could also remember Severus’s response to any and all prank- he was just as much at fault as his Gryffindor tormenters. Snape could be particularly brutal, and had spent much of their later years at school devising more cruel spells and jinxes. _“Must be why the Death Eaters recruited him,”_ Lupin snorted.

            He dragged a hand through his hair as he stared out into the darkness, remembering faces long dead and finally turned away from the stars. It had been a long day, and he was tired. He felt the pull of the moon deep in his veins, and remembered that the full was only a week and a half away. With a snort, he flicked his wrist to lock the doors and windows, and then made his way to bed.


	4. First Impressions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tonks comes face to face with her target. Lupin feels something he thought long dead when he sees the clumsy witch at the counter.

            Lupin awoke to a rapid tapping at his window. Cracking one eye open, he regarded the wizened gray owl pecking its beak against the glass and groaned. He rolled his shoulders as he lifted himself up, then padded across the room to let the owl in. It hooted once at him, in what could only be construed as a friendly good morning, and Lupin snorted as he reached for the parchment tied to its leg.

            “Dumbledore sent you, no doubt,” he muttered, making one-sided conversation as he worked the knot. Finally, the twine pulled loose and the letter slipped into his hand. He waved his fingers over it and returned the parchment to its original size, then reached into a cupboard to find something for the bird to munch on while he read. The owl hooted its thanks and Remus leaned against the counter, ran a hand through his hair to brush his bangs back from his eyes, and read the short note containing delivery information for the crates of documents. The second page contained the arrangements Dumbledore had made with McDonough in the village, and reminded Remus to pick up his Wolfsbane in the coming days. Another envelope was tucked in the folds of the parchment, and Remus was pleased to see the payment vouchers Moody had promised.

            “Well, bird,” he said, yawning, “I suppose I should get going, yes?” The owl hooted at him and blinked, and Remus laughed. “Yes, yes, I know. You’re waiting for a reply, are you?” The owl hooted again, and Remus chuckled as he reached behind him for a quill. He jotted a quick reply and thanks to the headmaster, tied the parchment back up and shrunk it down. The owl held out its leg, and Lupin grinned as he tied it in place. He reached into the cupboard again and grabbed a cracker, holding it out for his new friend, and laughed when the owl took it in his beak. With a flutter of its wings, it was gone, and Remus shook his head. He stretched his arms above his head and rose up on his toes to stretch his back, groaning loudly as he felt his spine pop. With a last chuckle, he scooped up a towel and went to shower.

            Twenty minutes under steaming hot water later, Remus felt marginally human. He dressed carefully, choosing his least mended trousers and a plain oxford shirt. Feeling slightly wicked, he picked his most garishly printed socks, red and gold stripes with a roaring lion at the toes, and laughed as he slid them up his calves. He slipped his feet into loafers, tossed a lightweight cloak over his shoulders and grabbed the payment vouchers Dumbledore had sent him. He swept his hand across his brow in one last attempt to brush his hair back, and stepped out into the clear Irish sunshine.

            The day was cool for August, but not cold enough to warrant a thicker cloak, and with the sun shining, Remus was glad the owl had woken him early. He could smell the sweet, clean scent of the flowers blooming all around and breathed in deep as the wind carried the scent of pine under his nose. Smiling softly, he hiked up the hill and followed the road to Craigavon.

            As the trees thinned, the early morning sounds of commerce rang in his ears, and Lupin had to pause for a moment to allow his nerves to settle. He had always had trouble in crowds, given his affliction and people’s reaction once they found out. Even though he knew the chance of exposure was lower in Ireland than in England or even Scotland, being out and about still made him nervous. He was well used to the looks of fear and distrust that were shot his way, but the slight feeling of hurt that came with them never went away. As such, he had kept mostly to himself since taking up residence at the cottage, only coming to town when he needed to stock his cupboards and ice box. Now, he had a new reason to come, and he made his way slowly up the high street, looking for McDonough’s apothecary shop.

            Remus stopped at a small building at the end of the lane and smiled as he took in the wooden sign with the word Apothecary painted on it. Below, in smaller letters, it read “Potions, medicines, recipes and supplies”. Lupin squared his shoulders, pressed his hand against his chest to feel the envelope from Dumbledore, and pushed the door open. A small bell tinkled above his head, and he smiled at the sound, reminded of the bell Professor McGonagall had sometimes used to get the class’s attention in school. He stepped inside, and let the door close behind him, then waited as his eyes adjusted to the darker atmosphere.

            The counter was empty, but Remus could tell that someone was about- his nose had twitched and picked up a delightful scent. It was soft, but not flowery; feminine and not something he had ever smelled in any apothecary shop he had ever been in. He drifted to the shelves, trying to find the source of the scent, and stopped when his ears picked up the sounds of a loud crash and a murmured “bugger it all!” coming from the back of the shop. His lips twitched, and he tried to hide a grin as a small, brown-haired woman came stumbling towards him. The voice was English, and his heart warmed a bit to hear a little bit of home.

            “Hallo, there,” he said softly, smiling as he watched the woman come closer. Her face was hidden in shadows still, but he saw her start at the sound of his voice. She appeared to stumble again, then righted herself, and continued towards him. As she drew closer, the shadows drifted away from her face, and Remus felt his heart slow in his chest. The woman’s face was shaped like a heart, and she had high, rounded cheekbones, almost like a chipmunk. She had a small, button-shaped nose that turned up just the tiniest bit, and her eyes were almond shaped and sharp behind her thin-framed glasses. Her lips curved up in a smile as she reached him, and Remus saw that her eyes were a dark, almost chocolate brown. Her hair was brown as well- a deep chestnut color and Remus was surprised when he felt his fingers twitch _. “Down, boy”,_ he thought to himself, a little stunned at the effect she had on him.

            He stared at her for a moment, lost in his thoughts, and was jerked back to the present when she coughed. He shook his head slightly, and focused on her, noticing that he had missed whatever she had said. “I’m sorry, what was that?” he asked, his voice wavering slightly. The woman smiled again, and jerked her head toward the counter before stepping past him and moving behind it. When she turned to face him again, she was smiling. Remus followed her and placed his hands on the counter, then struggled to remember why he had come.

            “I said, my name is Dora Edwards. I’m the new potions master here. McDonough is down at the bakery right now, so if you need him, you can wait. Is there something I can help you with though?” The voice was soft and distinctly feminine, and Lupin had a hard time processing his thoughts with the low tone swirling about his ears. He sucked in a breath and forced himself to concentrate, and returned her smile.         

            Lupin leaned forward and folded his arms on the top of the counter, grinning at the pretty potion brewer, and said “I’m here to see McDonough, but I can wait, as long as you will keep talking to me, that is.” Remus kept his eyes on her face and was pleased to see a slight flush of pink spread across her cheeks. Her brown eyes twinkled as she returned his grin, and then she too leaned forward and folded her arms on the table.

            “Is that so, then? Well, it’s lucky for you that I fancy a chat this morning, innit,” she responded, impishly, exaggerating a false Irish accent. Lupin’s grin stretched wider as he realized she was flirting with him. He tapped his fingers on the counter as he thought how to respond. It had been ages since anyone had flirted with him, and normally, he avoided any occasion that might lead to it. Remus hadn’t been in any kind of relationship in over a decade, and felt that he was well and truly out of practice. Dora Edwards seemed to have noticed his hesitation, because her grin softened into a smile as she watched him.

            “I’m new in town,” she said, her natural voice flowing over him as she broke the silence. “I’ve just moved to Ireland from London, once I got my potions certification. I saw the posting McDonough had placed in the circulars, and thought that it would be nice to get out of the city for a while.” Dora smiled shyly at him as she finished, and leaned back a bit, although she kept her hands relaxed on the counter.

            Lupin stood as well, putting some distance between them in the hope his brain would begin to function again, and replied “Ireland is gorgeous. I’ve been here a couple months, taking some time to myself before I figure out what’s next. I’ve actually lived here before, though,” he continued, “about ten years ago. I studied at a university in the south, then worked as a research assistant for a few months before returning to England.” Their small talk continued back and forth for a few minutes, and Lupin found himself pleasantly distracted from his task.

            _“I hope I don’t have to actually ask her for the potion,”_ he thought to himself, dreading the expression that would cross her face if he did. Remus couldn’t remember the last time he had openly conversed with a woman that was not a colleague or client, and he couldn’t remember the last time he had had such an enjoyable conversation with anyone of the opposite sex. Finally, the bell above the door tinkled again, and Remus turned to see the apothecary returning. He turned back to Dora and smiled, then ducked his head as he said “It was very nice to meet you, Ms. Edwards. Thank you for a lovely conversation.” He turned away then to hail McDonough, and missed the blush spreading over the woman’s face.

 

            _“Cripes, he’s as bloody gorgeous as I thought he’d be,”_ Tonks thought, as Remus Lupin walked away. _“And smart too. Well, I knew he was smart, him being a professor and all, but he seems so easy with it when he speaks. He’s smart, but not obnoxiously so…”_ Her thoughts trailed off as she fought to settle her nerves. Lupin and McDonough had disappeared into the back, and there wasn’t anyone else in the shop, so Tonks stepped around the counter and slipped outside. The cool air felt nice on her face, and the breeze helped dissipate some of the tension she felt. She breathed deep, using a technique her mentor had taught her and then smiled when she thought of his expression if he’d seen her chatting up a mark.

            She could just picture Mad-Eye’s rolling eye and stern face, and she could almost hear his voice as he barked at her. “Constant vigilance, Tonks! A target is a target, nothing more. Ignore the pretty wrapping and do your job.” Tonks chuckled, and for once was glad that Moody was back home in London and couldn’t see what a fool she had made of herself with Professor Remus Lupin. Squaring her shoulders, she resolved to treat Lupin as a target, as expected of her. She spun on her heel and strode back inside, hoping to catch him again as he left. _“He is awful easy on the eyes though,”_ she thought to herself as she stepped behind the counter. With a shake of her head, she found something else to occupy herself with until Lupin and McDonough concluded their business.

            Tonks had flipped through the entire magazine by the time she realized Lupin had never returned to the counter. She glanced at the muggle clock on the wall and saw it had been over an hour, and no one else had entered the shop either. She tucked the magazine out of sight again and set the little “Attendant in back” sign on the counter, then wandered off to find McDonough and Lupin. When she entered the workshop at the back of the building, she was surprised to see McDonough alone.

            “Did he leave, then?” she asked. McDonough startled when he heard her voice and nearly dropped the vial in his hand. He spun on his stool, and Tonks had to stifle a giggle when she caught the confused expression on his face. Recognition dawned on him and he sighed.

            “You know, Edwards, a knock or heavy footsteps would be nice. You keep sneaking up on me, you’re going to end up running this whole place, instead of just brewing the potions.” He placed a hand over his heart and patted it, before smiling at his new assistant. “Yes, Mr. Lupin left. He was just here to pick up a potion. We’ll see him again in a month.”

            Tonks was careful to keep her face expressionless, not wanting to let on that she knew what the man had been in for, or that she was interested in his comings and goings ( _for purely professional reasons_ , she tried to tell herself), and nodded. “All right then. I guess I will be getting back to brewing then? Are there any orders that need to be fulfilled today?”


	5. Market Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chance meeting leads to a pleasant afternoon. Until it doesn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. Part of this chapter is inspired by a fic I read recently, “Remus Lupin and the Prisoner of Azkaban,” by JannaElizabeth93, found on Ao3. Her rendering of Remus himself, as well as his relationships with Minerva, Dumbledore and Snape, are really well done, and I am “borrowing” an idea from her, in that Remus had not tried Wolfsbane before returning to Hogwarts to teach. She also, coincidently, settled her Remus in Ireland before his year at Hogwarts. That I did not borrow, as I already had the first five chapters written before I read her story. Please enjoy.   
>  ~ Love4lupinalways

            Remus awoke two days after the full moon, finally feeling almost normal. His joints still ached a bit, but nowhere near as badly as they had in the months before his short tenure at Hogwarts or the previous two months when he’d been without his potion. The Wolfsbane was truly a blessing, and he made a mental note to write Dumbledore and thank him again. He had gotten his first taste of the potion the August before the last school term, when the headmaster had invited him up to the school to try it in advance of the students’ arrival. He had also gotten the shock of his life when his old nemesis, Severus Snape, was the potion master to bring him the goblet.

            Lupin grunted, remembering the cold dread that had spread over him when Snape’s dark form blew into the small chamber in the hospital wing, and he winced as he remembered the first searing taste as the thick potion slithered its way down his throat. Thankfully, over the last year he had gotten used to both the terrible taste and the wicked burning sensation that came with it, and was able to push those minor discomforts aside for the peace of his recent transformations. His recovery was much quicker than it had ever been, and he had grown used to seeing no new scars or marks of frustration from the wolf within.     

            Lupin lounged in his bed a few moments more, and his thoughts drifted to the small, pretty brunette he had met at McDonough’s shop the week prior, and he smiled. If he were being truthful with himself, his thoughts had rarely strayed from her pretty face and soft voice in recent days. He was curious about her, this English ex-pat who had somehow ended up in the same small, Irish village he had settled in to escape his past. _“What could she be running from,”_ he thought to himself, his brow furrowing. _“She’s obviously talented, and beautiful to boot. She’s intelligent, if our short conversation is anything to go by, so why here?”_ Remus’s thoughts continued in that vein as he finally heaved himself from his bed.

            He normally didn’t lounge about so long after a transformation, but for once in his life, he had no pressing needs. No one to see, no job to go to, nothing, really, to do but lounge about in his self-imposed exile. His stomach growled as he emerged from the loo, and he grinned at the reminder that his appetite was back full force. He wandered over to the small kitchenette and flicked his fingers to start the tea, then pulled open the icebox. Bacon and eggs over toast sounded wonderful and his stomach grumbled again as he reached for…. _“Damn!”_ he muttered, when he realized he hadn’t gone to the market before the full.

            Lupin gave the door a vicious shove before he calmed his temper. _“Cool it, mate, it’s a simple matter to fix,”_ he thought to himself as he scowled at the now-whistling tea kettle. His stomach growled again as he waved his fingers to remove the kettle from the heat and he snorted at the impatience of his own needs. “Fine then,” he muttered. “We’ll go to the village first.” With a last scowl at the empty icebox, he spun on his heel and stomped to his wardrobe to dress.

            Twenty minutes later, Remus crested the hill before the village, his good humor restored even if his stomach continued to remind him that it was offended. He smiled at the bustling trade before him, villagers wandering from shop to shop and stand to stand with bags and baskets bursting with late morning purchases and goodies. Being summer, the clear, happy voices and laughter of children rang out, and he stepped sideways to avoid a small group of boys running and calling to each other. He chuckled to himself as he followed them down into the village, taking in the happy atmosphere and reveling in it. _“It’s been too long, mate,”_ he thought to himself. _“You need to rejoin the world eventually.”_

            He kept his pace slow, wanting to observe everything. The sights, sounds and scents of chaos were something he had dearly missed in the two months since leaving the school, and he resolved that in the future, he would make it a habit to come to town more often. He made his way up the high street and wandered off to the left when the scent of roasting meat reached his nose. He hadn’t ever been to the village on a market day, and his good mood urged his feet in the direction of company and food. He followed the path through the thin stand of trees and emerged into a sunlit clearing bursting with people, cook fires, vendor stalls and the odd dog, pig and goat milling around. The atmosphere was friendly and welcoming, and Lupin was suddenly grateful that his icebox had been empty.

            He wandered down the lanes, stopping at this stall and that, sampling food as it was offered and examining all the trinkets and goodies on display. His stomach had stopped growling after the third sample; half a hot beef pasty had been pushed into his hand by a determined old woman, and he could still feel the spices exploding on his tongue. After his appetite was appeased, he moved on, picking through some vegetables on display a couple stalls down. He reached for a particularly large pepper and just before his fingers closed around it, it was snatched away. Remus swallowed an oath and looked in the direction of the retreating hand, and then swallowed again when a lump formed in his throat.

            “Ms. Edwards,” he blurted, then clapped a hand to his mouth. He coughed, trying to hide his awkwardness, before he dropped his hand and offered a shy smile. Dora Edwards was standing on the other side of the pepper bin, her prize held in one hand and a bright smile on her face.

            “Good morning,” she said as she stretched the pepper across the bin at him. “Go ahead; I know you were reaching for it.” She held the pepper out and waited, her eyes twinkling in the sun, and Lupin coughed again. He smiled at her then reached out to take it. Their fingers brushed as the prize changed hands and Lupin’s eyes met hers as a tingling sensation ran up his arm. The smile remained on his face, but inwardly, his heart was racing as Ms. Edwards’ eyes locked on his. She smiled back at him, this one small and gentle, and he wondered if she had felt it too.

            Remus felt his body tense, and dropped his eyes as he tried to think of something to say. The silence dragged on for a few moments, until finally Ms. Edwards sighed. When Lupin raised his gaze to her face, he was pleased to see a grin.

            “Come on, then,” she said. “Have you got more browsing to do?” Dora cocked her head and grinned wider, hoping Lupin would take the bait. _“My, he’s a serious one,”_ she thought to herself. His eyes had widened at her suggestion and a slow smile spread over his face before he nodded.

            “I do, actually. Would you care to join me?” Remus’s voice was low and faintly scratchy when he answered, and Tonks couldn’t tell if that was a natural effect or because the full moon had been two nights ago. Either way, a shiver of something (she thought it was delight) rippled across her skin and she felt a blush creeping into her cheeks. She turned away before he could see it, unable to cover the color with a quick morph, and said “you can call me Dora, you know,” as she set off down the lane away from him.

            A few seconds later, Lupin had caught up and settled into an easy pace, matching his stride to hers. Tonks risked a glance at him and smiled when their eyes met. “You haven’t told me your name yet, you know,” she murmured, suddenly nervous that he would spook. There hadn’t been any kind of friendly or romantic relationships listed in his file after his Hogwarts years, and from what Kingsley had told her, Lupin kept to himself. Tonks wanted to kick herself for her flirtatious tone, and mentally scolded herself as she waited for him to answer.       

            Lupin glanced sideways at the woman beside him, and narrowed his eyes as he considered her statement and the soft tone it had been uttered in. _“She’s only curious, mate. She’s a young potions master, newly certified. I’m sure she hardly had time to read the Prophet lately,”_ he thought to himself, before finally smiling at her.

            “I’m Remus,” he said, his voice soft but no longer scratchy. “Remus Lupin. How are you, Dora?” Her name rolled smoothly off his tongue, and he felt pleasant warmth settle in his chest when he saw her eyes flicker towards his. _“Good, she feels this too,”_ he thought, as he held an arm out to her. He smiled again when Dora’s hand slipped into the crook of his elbow, and they wandered down the lane together, enjoying the summer sun.

            “I’m well,” she said. “McDonough gave me the day off and told me to head down. Lots of customers I need to get to know, apparently,” she said, waving a hand at the crowd around them. “I actually had just arrived when I saw you; I haven’t been to any other stands yet.” Tonks looked back at Remus’s face and smiled mischievously, hoping her story explained the lack of goodies in her hands.

            Lupin nodded and smiled again before speaking. “That’s probably a good idea. As the potion master, you should know a bit about the clients you’re brewing for. I was never very good at potions myself, but I seem to remember that tailoring them to specific people increased their effectiveness.”

            “That’s true,” Tonks answered. “Professor Snape always hated that I was so friendly with everyone, but even he couldn’t deny that my potions worked much better in demonstrations than his did with students who were particularly… nervous… around him,” she said, stumbling over the word ‘nervous’. She hadn’t been looking at Lupin as she spoke and missed the startled expression that crossed his face at the mention of his old school-yard nemesis. She did, however, notice the tightening of his arm and a bolt of fear shot through her as she worried that she had given too much away. She glanced around, looking for something to distract him with, and at the very end of the lane, a large stall stood out.

            “Oh look, Remus,” she cried, tugging on his arm in her excitement. “A rare-books vendor. Come on, let’s see what he has.” She slipped her hand in his and dragged him along with her, her excitement real. She had read his file, of course. Remus J. Lupin, former Hogwarts professor, had a strong affinity for books. Nymphadora Tonks, junior Auror, did as well, and she had been pleased to see they had something in common. By the time the pair reached the book display, Remus’s face had cleared and he was smiling again as his eyes scanned the titles on the spines facing him.

            Remus and Dora spent the next hour digging through the book-master’s shelves, chattering excitedly when they found something particularly old or interesting. By the time they were done, a small stack of ancient books sat next to Remus, topped by a first-edition copy of Hogwarts, A History. He had laughed aloud when he saw it, reminded as he was of Hermione Granger’s bushy brown hair, and Ronald Weasley and Harry Potter’s staunch disinterest in the required first-year reading. He had seen that book often in Hermione’s possession- she was a good one for history, and had been fond of quoting random facts if the situation called for it.

            Dora had looked at him quizzically when he laughed, and after completing his purchase, she looped her arm through his again, and asked him what had been so funny. Remus explained that he had been the Defense teacher at Hogwarts the previous school year, and that the book had reminded him of a particular student. The rest of the morning was passed in easy camaraderie as Lupin told her many stories; most of them centered on the third-year class of Gryffindors, and Tonks listened carefully. Her interest wasn’t feigned- he sounded like he had truly enjoyed teaching and she felt a stab of pity that he hadn’t been able to continue doing what he so obviously loved. But, she was also listening as a highly trained auror, taking careful note of the tone he used when speaking about Potter and his friends.

            As Remus had talked, he found himself loosening up in the company of the pretty potioneer, and he was surprised, much later, when his stomach growled at him. He had enjoyed the conversation so much that he had lost track of time. At some point, he and Dora had settled on the grass near the tree line, relaxing as he shared story after story. Neither had noticed when the various vendor stalls and carts had been packed away, the crowds had dispersed and the clearing had grown quiet. He glanced around, noticing that they were now alone, and that Dora was still watching him with a soft smile playing about her lips.

            It had been so long since anyone new had truly made an effort to be friendly towards him after knowing what he was, and he wasn’t quite sure how to deal with that. She knew who he was, of course. He had seen the recognition dawn on her face when he had finally told her his name. Anyone who brewed Wolfsbane had to track who it was for, and the vials he had left with had been labeled with his name and birthdate. She hadn’t run screaming from him then, nor had she at any point in what had turned into a long afternoon together. His voice trailed off as he studied her, Dora’s eyes watching him while a soft smile continued to shine brightly at him. His stomach growled again, and Remus huffed, looking down and sighing.

            “It’s getting late, I suppose,” he said, his voice somber again, sad to see the afternoon end. He stood and extended a hand to her, helping her to her feet, before swatting away the grass and leaves that had stuck to his trousers. When he was as clean as he would be without laundering his clothes, he turned to meet her eyes again. He was surprised to see that she was watching him. She had a leaf in her hair, and Remus’s hand was halfway up before he realized what he was doing.

            His fingers closed around the thin stem, and he pulled it free, his eyes locking on hers. They stood for a few moments, watching each other, neither blinking, until Dora’s bottom lip shifted. The movement dragged Remus’s attention from her eyes and he felt himself jolt when he saw her small, white teeth bite into the plump flesh of her lip. He shifted his eyes back up to hers and smiled again, and then used his fingers to brush her soft hair behind her ear.

            “Would you like to have dinner with me?” The request was quiet, and Dora barely heard it through the pounding of blood in her ears. _“Remus Lupin is touching my hair,”_ she thought, a giddy, girlish voice singing in her head. She didn’t answer right away, not trusting that a high-pitched squeal wouldn’t come out of her mouth instead of her own smoky voice, and her eyes searched his. She opened her mouth to speak, ready to accept his invitation, and then she remembered. _“He’s a mark. You can’t, Tonks. You can’t have dinner with him. He’s a mark. What would Moody say?”_

            “I…” she stuttered. “I would love to, really, Remus. I would. Please don’t think that I wouldn’t. But…” Her voice trailed off.

            “I see.” Lupin replied, and dropped his hand. His voice had changed- the tone was low and flat, almost dead sounding and Tonks felt a piece of her heart chip away at the sad dejection she saw in his face. “Well, it was nice running into you, Ms. Edwards,” he said in that same tone. “Please, have a pleasant evening.” Lupin gathered his purchases and turned away, not looking back as he strode from the clearing.

            Tonks watched him go, suddenly feeling cold and sad at the loss of his company. When she could no longer see him, she spun and paced back towards the tree line. Her temper was flaring, and Tonks couldn’t tell who she was angrier at- Tonks, the Auror, or Dora the potions master, or even with Mad-Eye, whose voice was always in her head. “Bugger it all,” she snarled, before grabbing up the book she had purchased and stomping away in the direction of her flat.


	6. Don't Mess With a Hungry Auror

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tonks' fridge is embarrassingly empty. Dinner at the pub sounds wonderful. And then she spots Remus.

          It was nearly a fortnight before Tonks saw Remus again. She had spent the last two weeks mentally kicking herself for how their afternoon had ended. Professionally, she was supposed to be keeping tabs on him. She had been watching for him every day, her eyes shifting to the window every time a shadow crossed it. She had even started eating her meals in the Lion’s Den, a pub situated at the head of the high street. He would have to pass it to run any errands in town, but she hadn’t seen him. She had also started running again- she hadn’t run since she graduated the academy. But now, hoping to catch a glimpse of Remus Lupin, she was running several miles every morning, and quickly learning all the roads in and out of the village.   

            Personally, she was intrigued, and possibly even infatuated. Remus was attractive, physically and intellectually. They had spent hours chatting that day, without even realizing it, and the thought made her heart flutter in her chest. She hadn’t ever met someone that she could spend more than an hour talking to without wanting to shag them to get them to stop speaking. His image was never far from mind, and she caught herself doodling often at work when she had no potions to brew. She was a fairly accomplished artist- there were scraps of paper bearing Remus’s face all over her flat. _“Merlin, I hope Moody doesn’t stop by for a chat,”_ she thought to herself with a snort.

            Tonks smiled as she thought of the parchment she had received the previous afternoon. It was scribbled in Moody’s terrible chicken scratch, but Tonks had had three years to decipher his handwriting. She was pleased for him- she knew that retiring had not been what he wanted. Mad-Eye Moody was not a man to whittle wood and sit at home. Relaxation was a concept he had no comprehension of. Dumbledore had offered him the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts instructor at Hogwarts, and he had (grudgingly, it sounded like), accepted it. His message had been brief, as they often were, and Tonks had to appreciate that some things just would never change. He had let her know where he would be if she needed him, and closed his letter with his favorite phrase.

            _“Constant vigilance, Nymphadora. Kingsley informed me of your mission. Surely you remember that the last man to hold the D.A.D.A post is Mr. Lupin. I’m not sure how he will take the news that I’ve succeeded him, so tread lightly. As always, keep your nose to the ground and your wand within reach.”_

            His name was scrawled along the bottom, along with the mark he used on personal correspondence. Moody had been a Ravenclaw at Hogwarts- his crest was the head of a raven with a snake in its beak. Tonks had folded the letter and slipped it into her journal. She kept two, actually. One for her personal thoughts (many of which lately revolved around a slightly graying werewolf with a blinding smile), and one for the mission. That one, unfortunately, was rather depressingly blank.

            Tonks glanced around her flat and felt a pang of loneliness. There wasn’t anything of “home” here- she hadn’t brought anything. No photos or mementos, none of her crazy knickknacks. She hadn’t even brought her favorite, comfortable clothes. She was supposed to be a meek potions master in tiny Irish village- Weird Sisters shirts and rocker boots would have stuck out like a sore thumb _. “This place is depressing,”_ she mumbled to herself. She glanced at the calendar taped to the icebox and realized she didn’t have work the next day.

            “London is too far, but Dublin… I could go to Dublin for the day.” She smiled wider than she had in nearly two weeks at the thought of being herself again, even for just a few hours. Making a decision, she jotted a quick note to Kingsley and opened her window. McDonough’s owl flew down from his perch on the roof, and soon he was flying away on his mission. Tonks closed the window again and jumped when she saw her reflection. She was so excited at the idea of a break that her hair had morphed and she hadn’t realized it. The familiar pink spikes made her smile, and she decided to leave them for a while. _“No one will see them tonight, I’m not going anywhere,”_ she thought to herself.

            Tonks turned away from the window and laughed when her stomach growled. The sound was familiar, as she often forgot to eat regularly, especially when she was working or otherwise distracted. She hadn’t eaten since a hasty breakfast that morning, and it was now nearly seven o’clock at night. She pulled open the icebox to see what she had on hand, and wasn’t surprised to see a slice of cheese and an egg.

            Knowing that a single egg omelet was not going to be enough, she shut the door and glanced at the window. The bright pink spikes made her smile again, and she promised herself she would put them back the second she reached Dublin in the morning. She nodded, as if to reassure herself, then concentrated on forcing her hair back into her natural brown bob. Once she was satisfied that Dora Edwards was looking back at her, she grabbed her bag and swept out the door. “At least the Den has good food, and people,” she said, as she pulled the door shut.

            Five minutes later, she entered the dimly lit but welcoming pub and made her way up the bar. Fergus, the barkeep, had taken a liking to her, and Dora felt like a drink. Fergus spotted her the second she sat down and grinned. A few seconds later, a large mug of butter beer appeared by her hand, along with a dish of roasted nuts. “I’ve been in here too much,” she grumbled to herself, annoyed at her predictability. Her stomach growled again, and Tonks sneered at her belly before popping a handful of nuts in her mouth.        

            Ten minutes, a few handfuls of nuts and a butter beer later, Tonks was feeling much more relaxed. She raised her empty mug towards Fergus and tipped her head, indicating she was going to move, and then turned away from the bar. Her eyes swept the room looking for an empty table where she could people watch and enjoy her supper. She froze on her second pass of the room. At a table in the back, his back to the door and his face turned down towards the book in his hands, Remus Lupin gave every appearance of not knowing she was there.

            If she hadn’t known he was a werewolf, she’d believe it and move on. But, she did know he was a werewolf. And she knew that he had scented her as soon as she’d opened the door. She had watched his nostrils twitch when she caught him watching her that day in the clearing. She had been pleased to realize that her interest wasn’t one-sided. Now, the thought just made her irritated. Making up her mind, she strode across the bar, ignoring the villagers who spoke to her, ignoring Fergus as he shouted that her drink was ready. Her eyes were locked on Lupin, and when she reached him she tapped him on the shoulder.

            The fire inside her died when he raised his face to hers. He looked tired. The lines of his face stood out prominently and his eyes were dull like her granddad’s had gotten when he was ill. His face was pale and blotchy, and his hair even looked like the gray had spread. He hadn’t shaved in at least a couple days, and while the facial hair looked good on him, she knew he was usually more fastidious. His lips curved gently as he raised his eyes to hers, and he held out a hand to the seat across the table. His voice was hoarse when he invited her to sit down and the smile didn’t leave his face as he marked his page and closed his book. A small bowl of nuts sat at the center of the small table, and she smiled when she noticed all the almonds were missing.

            “As you can see, I’m not feeling particularly jolly tonight, Ms. Edwards. But I would be very pleased if you sat with me for a while,” he said in a soft voice that was deepened by tiredness. Tonks nodded and returned his smile as she sat. No sooner had her bottom touched the seat than a butter beer appeared next to her elbow. She glanced at Fergus and gave him a small smile, then tipped her head at Remus. He grinned back and nodded, and seconds later, a second mug appeared. Remus stared down at the drink, and she saw his throat working as he swallowed.

            Tonks knew he was battling with himself, and felt sad for him. _“A mug of beer should not be a defining act of kindness,”_ she thought to herself, careful to keep the thoughts from showing on her face in case he looked up. “How are you, Remus?” She kept her voice soft, not wanting to make him jumpy or more nervous than he already was. She watched him as he steeled himself before raising his gaze. An expression flashed across his face, so quickly she almost missed it. She felt a tug on her heart when she saw the gratefulness he was feeling, even though he tried so hard to hide it.

            “I’m well, Ms. Edwards.” Remus answered then paused again. It seemed like he was struggling with a decision, and Tonks nearly smiled when she saw the determined set to his jaw. She wrapped her fingers around her mug of beer and waited for him to speak again. She didn’t have to wait long. Whatever he had decided had apparently been clawing to get out.

            “Actually, Ms. Edwards, I’m not well. As you can see, I am obviously not well. This time of the month is always difficult for me, as I’m sure you well know.” Tonks had to bite the inside of her lip to keep from smiling. _“Ah, so we’re finally getting to the elephant in the room,”_ she thought to herself as she watched Lupin’s face. Lupin’s eyes stayed on hers, and the brown irises had darkened nearly to black in the shadows of the pub. He watched her, not blinking, waiting for her to respond.

            Tonks made him wait, bringing her mug to her lips and taking a sip while she thought how best to answer him _. “Should I be direct? Just out with it? I know you’re a werewolf, Lupin, I brew your bloody potion!”_ Suddenly, she was annoyed again. She set the mug down with a loud thunk and leaned forward. Lupin leaned back- he must have seen the fire in her eyes. His hand went to his own mug and he brought it to his lips, watching Dora warily as he drank. He nearly drained the thing before he set it back down, and by the time he did, Tonks was beyond irritated.

            “You know, Mr. Lupin,” Tonks said, her voice low, her rage barely contained. “Yes, I know who you are. I know you have an issue once a month. I know because I brewed your potion for you earlier this month, and I’m going to brew it again in a few days. I know about your illness. I knew about it the day I first met you, I knew about it that day at the market, I knew about it tonight when I came over. You know what all that means, Remus?” She paused, needing to take a breath and calm herself before her voice rose with her temper.

            Lupin was still sitting back away from the table. He was watching her, his eyes narrowed and a crease cutting deeply across his forehead. His lips were drawn so tight they were nearly invisible, and the knuckles of the hand gripping the mug were so white they looked like mini muggle lightbulbs. He didn’t respond, he didn’t even twitch a shoulder to indicate that he’d heard her. He had, of course; she could tell by the stormy look on his face.

            Tonks sucked in a breath and leaned closer to him. She dropped her voice even lower, not wanting to share his secret with the whole pub. She waited, and finally, he tipped his head forward. He didn’t lean on the table like she did, but he did bring his head in closer. “What does it mean, Ms. Edwards?”

            His voice was low and raspy and Tonks was nearly distracted from her anger as it sent a delicious shiver down her back. Later, she would consider that his voice, at that tone, would do wonderful things for her imagination. In fact, she would later spend several journal pages describing the things she would do to get him to make his voice that low and dangerous again. But for now, her Black temper held court. She leaned just a little bit closer and planted both hands on the table. Her arms tensed as she flattened her palms against the wood.

            “It means, Mr. Lupin, that I knew you were a werewolf, and I didn’t bloody care. I still flirted with you that day in the shop. I still spent an afternoon with you in that clearing. I still came over to hopefully share a meal with you tonight _. I don’t care_ , Lupin. I didn’t care then, and I don’t care now, and if you can’t see that, well, I’m sad for you.” Dora had kept her eyes on his as she scolded him, and was pleased to see her words had an impact. His face had softened as she spoke, and color had come back into his cheeks. It was too bad for him, then, that she was beyond forgiveness at that point. She pressed her palms down on the table and stood, then spun on her heel and before he realized what she was doing, Dora was gone.

            Tonks was so angry she forgot her hunger as she stalked down the high street back to her flat. She raced up the stairs to her flat, flicked her wand and muttered her charm-breakers at the door, then slammed it shut behind her. She scrubbed her hands over her face as she kicked her shoes off then stomped into the loo to start the shower. A gasp escaped her lips when she caught sight of her reflection in the mirror. Her hair was no longer short and brown. It was long, hanging halfway down her back, and a deep, dark black. Her eyes weren’t brown anymore either- they were a deep violet color, and Tonks felt her knees go week as she realized who she looked like.

            “Bellatrix.” The name came out in a quiet whisper- Nymphadora and her parents had been afraid of that name for years, ever since her aunt had joined He-Who-Won’t-Be-Named. Tonks had grown cold as she stared at her reflection and she shivered as she remembered the stories she had heard over the years. Not wanting to think about that, she concentrated on changing her appearance. A few seconds later, Tonks’s familiar brown eyes looked back at her. She sighed then, and stripped off her clothes. A hot shower was just what she needed to ease the ache in her chest.

            _“I yelled at him. I had no right to do that. I need him!”_ Tonks thought to herself, as she stood under the hot stream. That last one stopped the train of thought that was chugging through her head. “Need? I _need_ him? What the hell does that even mean? He’s a mark, Tonks. _A mark_. You need him for the case. That’s it.” She continued to berate herself as she washed the day away.

            By the time she stepped out of the shower, her skin was pink and tender from the brutal scrubbing. Her hunger had come back too, and she grumbled even more at the reminder of the dinner she had stormed out of. She cast a drying charm over herself then dressed quickly in some boxer shorts and a sleep shirt before stomping to the icebox. She glared at the egg and cheese sitting alone on the shelf, and had just reached in to pull them out when there was a knock at her door. 

            Tonks stood up quickly and cracked her head on the freezer door, hard enough to bring tears to her eyes. With one hand holding the back of her head and the other clutching her wand, she muttered curses to herself as she made her way to the door. Just before she reached it, whoever it was knocked again. “Just a bloody second, I’m coming,” she yelled, the frustration at Lupin, the crankiness that came along with hunger, the anger at the pain in her head all coming out in her voice. When she yanked the door open, all she saw was a retreating back topped by a head of soft, feathery brown hair that just reached the nape of his neck.

            “Lupin?” she said, her voice cracking. He stopped and turned back. For a moment, neither said a word. “What’re you doing here, Remus?” she asked finally. He didn’t say anything, just stuffed his hands in his pockets and stared at her. His eyes never dropped lower than her face, and somewhere in the back of her mind, Tonks took notice of that.

            “I said what you are doing here, Remus?” she tried again.


	7. Remus Has a Bad Evening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus had been feeling lonely and confused, and found himself needing a night of humanity. By the end of the night, he might wish he had stayed home instead.

           Remus Lupin stood in the hallway above the apothecary shop, staring at her door, and considered that he had probably made a huge mistake. His hands were still in his pockets; he was contemplating turning away and leaving, telling himself that she would never know he had been there. Dora Edwards had been spitting mad at him just a few minutes ago in the pub, and he still wasn’t sure what had made him follow her. _“She said she didn’t care,”_ he reminded himself.

            He hadn’t spent a lot of time in the village in the last couple weeks, but that didn’t mean he hadn’t been there at all. In fact, he had spent many of the last fourteen mornings prowling around the outskirts of the village. He had stayed close to the edge of the surrounding forest, not wanting to draw attention to himself, and also because he had felt comfortable there. From his vantage point, he had watched Dora run down the stairs at the back of the apothecary shop, dressed in trainers, running shorts and simple, plain tee shirts.

            He had watched, following her path as well as possible through the forest he had grown to know, as she learned her way around the village. He had been startled the morning earlier that week that she had taken the road towards his cottage, and was glad he wasn’t there when she stopped in the small yard. She had stretched, watching the house as she did so, almost as if she knew he lived there and was daring him to come out. Instead, he had remained hidden in the trees, his heart racing and a myriad of thoughts running through his head.

            _“She’s gorgeous. Damn, she’s fast. She knows what I am, what is she doing? Is she waiting for me?”_ The thoughts didn’t stop until she turned around before bending at the waist and stretching her legs.  Her eyes studied the forest, staring at the trees where he had hidden himself, and he stepped back further to avoid detection. He was suddenly very glad that he wasn’t home, even though he had to bite his lip to prevent a groan from slipping out when he realized she had likely turned around on purpose- her rear, framed by short, tight running shorts, was facing his front window. “ _Mon Dieu_ ” he thought to himself as he fought to control his breathing. His reaction to Ms. Edwards was surprising, and Lupin was feeling very confused as he watched her.

            Finally, Dora had straightened, then turned and glared at the window one last time before jogging away. Lupin had waited until she had cleared the hill before stepping out of the trees. His heart had still been racing and there had been a dozen questions running through his head, but at that moment, all he had wanted was a cold shower. Lupin hadn’t followed her on her runs since, afraid that she would lead him back to his cottage. Instead, he woke early and slipped into the woods, followed a quiet stream deep into the trees, and spent his mornings reading through the documents Dumbledore had sent and making organizational notes.

            He had stopped in to the grocer a couple times to restock his supplies, and he had always made sure to do it when Ms. Edwards was working. He avoided walking past the apothecary at all costs; his embarrassment from market day still stung whenever he thought of the afternoon spent in her pretty company. She hadn’t been afraid of him. She hadn’t been nervous. She had been excited and chatty and warm. He had seen the expression on her face when they realized how late it had gotten. For a moment, he had let himself believe that he could have that- a warm, kind, sweet woman who was interested in him and wanted to share things with him. He had, for once, thrown caution to the wind and invited her to have a meal with him.

            The expression on her face had made him smile. She truly had looked like she wanted nothing more than to continue their conversation. And then… and then something had happened. He had watched in what felt like slow motion as the realization of what he was dawned on her, and her face had changed. It wasn’t warm and open anymore. Instead, he saw the faces of all the people before her who had found out his curse. He saw the fear and disgust, and had felt his heart shatter in his chest. When she had tried to explain, he hadn’t wanted to hear it. He had cut her off and stalked away, telling himself that that was the end. He wasn’t ever going to reach out again- if society hated him because of something he could not change, then so be it. He had spent that night telling himself over and over to let it go. That it didn’t mean anything, she was just one more person to let him down, and he was used to it. He had almost convinced himself that he believed it.

            “ _Until tonight, that is,”_ he thought to himself. He had gone to the pub for supper because he had avoided people since that day in the clearing. He was used to people leaving him; it was a hazard of his condition. But, he also knew that he needed an occasional brush with humanity. His illness had robbed so much from him over the years, but he had always, even at his lowest points, needed some kind of human contact.

            As a child, it had been visits to magical libraries with his dad, where Lyall Lupin searched for a way to heal his child, and Remus often wandered the stacks and reveled in the experience of being around people who didn’t know the family secret. As a teenager at Hogwarts, it had been his dormitory and the friends who shared it. Those seven years at Hogwarts were the happiest he had ever been, even before his three friends taught themselves how to become animals for his sake. During the war, it had been Order meetings and missions with either James or Sirius.

            After that fateful Halloween in 1981, he had pulled back. He had gone into a self-imposed exile, moving to Ireland and attending school for an advanced certification in wizard history and law. For years, his escape had been his studies. And then, he had met her. Eirith. She was the last person he had truly allowed to know him. He had loved her fiercely, and she had loved him too. She had known what he was- like Sirius, she was clever. She had figured it out on her own. Like Lily, she had never looked at him any differently. He had shared his life with her for only three short years before his past came crashing back.

            Greyback, the werewolf who had turned him as revenge against his father, had found him. The Alpha was very possessive of his victims. He turned children because they were easy to manipulate. Many were disowned by their families and left to rot on the streets. The Lupins hadn’t ever seen their son as anything other than their son. They didn’t disown him or kick him out. In fact, they kept his secret and kept him safe. He attended school, lived a relatively normal life except for the week or so surrounding the monthly full moon, and he had even managed to find love. When Greyback stumbled on him that day in Dublin and saw Remus’s hand holding Eirith’s, he was enraged. He took that rage out on Eirith one night, mauling her so viciously that she died.

            After that, Lupin’s heart had shuttered itself. He hadn’t let anyone in since then, not even Sirius when the truth was finally revealed that past June. Sirius was still his friend; he always would be. And Lupin cared for people- his father, Harry Potter and his friends, Dumbledore, Moody, Minerva and Hagrid were a few. But none of them really knew the real Remus Lupin. Sirius thought he did, but a lot had changed in twelve years. Lupin hadn’t felt comfortable letting anyone in since Eirith had died. Not until that day a couple weeks ago.

            Dora Edwards made him feel comfortable. And happy. She made his pulse race and his blood thrum in his ears. He had noticed it the first time he met her at the shop. That day in the clearing only made it clearer. It was why it had hurt so badly when she said no to sharing a meal with him. He was afraid of opening himself up, and the expression that had crossed her face was the reason why. He had intended on avoiding her at all costs. At least, avoiding any conversation with her. He still ached to see her, and his fingers twitched when he remembered how soft her hair had been as he tucked it behind her ear.         

            In an effort to distract himself, he decided to have dinner at the pub. His latest owl from Dumbledore had included both his payment vouchers for the Wolfsbane and a generous stipend to buy his food and supplied with. It had been a long time since he had spent hard-earned money on a meal he didn’t have to cook himself. He was lonely, his joints ached, and he knew that he would only be feeling worse in the days to come. It had also been too long since he had spent any time around people, and he was getting depressed. A glance in the mirror confirmed that he looked as bad as he felt, but he didn’t care enough to do anything about it. Instead, he grabbed his wand and a handful of sickles and knuts, and made his way down to the Lion’s Den.  

            He had been at his table long enough to polish off a plate of fish and chips and two flagons of ale when his shoulders twitched. Seconds later, the scent of apple blossoms and lilies reached him. Remus hadn’t glanced around or moved in any way; he didn’t have to to recognize her scent. He had waited, his shoulders tense, hoping she wouldn’t notice him. He hunched his shoulders and leaned down towards the table to make himself smaller, and kept his back to the bar. He had finally begun to breathe easier when the hairs on the back of his head stood up straight. Without looking, he had known Dora had seen him. He could feel her eyes on him, and he mentally berated himself for not leaving sooner. He tried to focus on the book in front of him, but his pulse was pounding in his temples. _“Please don’t come over, please don’t come over,”_ he thought, the phrase repeating over and over again.

            A shadow fell over him, and he had to fight not to jump up and take her in his arms. _“Calm, Moony. Relax_.” He took a breath to settle himself and then looked up at the woman who was occupying far too many of his thoughts. He offered her a small smile and invited her to sit, and was pleased beyond measure when she did. Then the butter beer had appeared, and in his highly emotional state, he was terrified that he would cry. No one had bought him a drink since Eirith had died. The simple gesture was almost overwhelming.

            Her voice, when she spoke, was so gentle that something inside him broke. All the stress of teaching Harry and not being able to talk to him about his parents, the hunt for Sirius and the guilt he felt for believing his friend capable of such terrible things, the encounters with Snape over the past year, the loss of his beloved teaching position, losing Sirius again, everything that had happened over the last fourteen months came crashing over him. He shouldn’t have done it, Dora hadn’t deserved that. It wasn’t her fault, none of it. She was only trying to be kind.

            She had never raised her voice, and he was glad of that. Even in her anger, she respected his privacy. She had given him a tongue-lashing worthy of Minerva McGonagall though, and he had been deeply ashamed of himself after she strode away from him. He had been drinking too much lately, and unlike Sirius, who was a jolly drunk most of the time, Remus couldn’t really hold his alcohol. He had never developed a taste for it, or a tolerance. He had tried to tell himself that it was the alcohol’s fault, that being drunk was an excuse for how he had jumped on someone trying to be friendly to him. Deep down, he knew that he was just feeling sorry for himself, and that he had been unfair.

            He had sat at the table for several minutes after Dora left, trying to decide what to do next. _“Do I apologize? I should apologize. But if I don’t, then I don’t have to see her, and maybe this will just go away. It will go away, right?”_ He argued with himself, unsure of how to handle the mess he had gotten himself in to. He had never been very good with girls- that was James’ and Sirius’ department. There had been a couple girls at school, but those never lasted more than a month. And there had been Eirith.

            _“Eirith,”_ he mumbled, feeling the familiar ache in his chest as he remembered her blond hair and green eyes. Surprisingly, it was the thought of his long-dead love that made his decision. Eirith wouldn’t have wanted him to be alone forever. She wouldn’t have wanted him to be this sad shell of a man. _“I’m so sorry, darling. I’m so sorry. I know you wanted more for me. I will try to make it right,”_ he thought to himself as he glanced around the pub. If anyone had noticed the row at his table, they were no longer interested. He raised a hand and caught Fergus’s attention and left a few sickles on the table to cover his tab.

            _“She said she didn’t care, right? That she knew and didn’t care. She doesn’t care. She doesn’t care about the monster.”_ Remus’s thoughts ran along that vein as he made his way to the end of the high street. They repeated in his mind as he climbed the steps and again as he stood in the hallway outside her door. It took him another twenty minutes to muster up the courage, but when he finally knocked, the thoughts were silent.

            She didn’t answer, and Remus was suddenly afraid that she hadn’t gone home. He waited a few minutes, trying to keep the fear at bay, and then knocked again. He heard a thump and then muttered cursing before a louder voice called out “Just a bloody second, I’m coming!” She sounded so angry still that Lupin lost all his courage. He didn’t know if he could take another scolding tonight. She didn’t know it was him at the door, she wouldn’t know it had ever been him if he left before she opened it. He turned and walked quickly down the hall. He had almost made it to the stairs when the door behind him opened. He paused, knowing it was too late, and a soft voice called his name.

            Remus turned back to face her, and was startled to see that she was dressed for bed. The scent of apple blossoms was stronger than it had been in the pub, and her hair was damp, small tendrils curling around her ears. He jerked his gaze back to her face, hoping she hadn’t noticed him noticing her, and waited.  When her question came, he wasn’t sure how to answer it. Instead, he kept his eyes on her face, watching her, waiting for his courage to fail.

            “I said, what are you doing here, Remus?” Her voice was soft and gentle, and didn’t sound anything like the voice she had berated him with half an hour ago. Finally realizing his courage wasn’t going to fail, he slipped his hands out of his pockets and took a step closer.

            “I owe you an apology, Ms. Edwards,” he said, as he stepped closer to her. He continued to keep his eyes on her face; she had respected his privacy in the pub, so he would respect her privacy here. When he was only a couple steps away, he stopped and tucked his hands back into his pockets. “I assumed too much this evening, Ms. Edwards. It is a trying time of the month for me, but that is not an excuse to lash out at you. I wanted to thank you for your kindness, both tonight and for that day a couple weeks ago. It… means a great deal to me.”

            Wanting to show her how touched he was, he flicked his fingers in his pocket. When he pulled his hand out, a small, white lily was held gently between his fingers. “I would like you to have this, Dora. It won’t wilt and the scent won’t fade. It reminds me of you.” He held the flower out, and smiled when she took it from him. She hadn’t said anything yet, and he wasn’t sure that he wanted her to, so he tucked his hand back into his pocket and turned away.

            “I just wanted to apologize. Good night, Dora,” he murmured, before retreating to the darkness of the stairwell. He paused in the shadows there and waited until she closed her door. When she did, he heard another thump, and assumed she had leaned back against it. “Good night, Dora,” he said again softly, then stepped quietly down the stairs and out into the darkness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A. N. Eventually there will be a story about Remus's lost love. But I have a lot of love for Remadora, and that is where my focus is right now. Eirith's time will come, I promise.


	8. Tonks Makes a Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tonks realizes she is slacking on her mission, and has to decide between her heart and her work.

_“What the bloody hell was that?”_ Tonks thought, as her head thumped against the closed door. _“He apologized. He gave me a flower. He looked so sad. Do I go after him?”_ Her mind was racing as she looked down at the white lily in her hand, its petals soft and its fragrance surrounding her. “How did he know I like lilies?” she mumbled, then pushed herself away from the door. She prowled around her flat, ignoring the flower in her hand and her face scrunched up as she replayed the evening in her head. “He acted like a prat, he _should_ have apologized!” she muttered indignantly.            She had begun to pace as she vented her frustration. “Stupid git. That was so unfair of him. He didn’t even give me a chance!”

            She stomped to the edge of the rug, spun on her heel and slipped as she turned. Her ankle crumpled sideways and Dora fell. Her knee cracked against the floor and her eyes watered as her ankle began to throb. Looking down, she saw that it was already swelling, so she stood as well as she could without putting pressure on it. She stumbled towards the sofa and fell against it, biting her lip against the pain, and slowly swung her leg up so she could rest her ankle on the cushion. She glared at the offending limb as she reached for her wand. Just before her fingers wrapped around it, she became aware of the flower still tucked in her hand and paused. She bit her lip, considering it, then brought it up to her face and inhaled deeply, smiling at the soft scent.

            For a moment, she forgot about the pain in her leg. Instead, she focused on how Remus’s face had looked in the pub. He had looked so sad and haggard, and he had been angry. He hadn’t wanted to see her, and she winced when she remembered his cold eyes and stern face as they had stared each other down. She felt herself starting to get annoyed again, so she pushed on. Instead, she focused on his face as he had stood in the hallway. He had looked so tired and so sad, but he had smiled at her. It was a soft smile, one that just barely tugged at the corner of his lips. It hadn’t reached his eyes like his smile in the photo inside his file, but he had lit up a little as he had looked at her. And then he had spoken.

            His voice had still been raspy, and was deeper than it had been in the pub. She could tell he was tired, and his voice reflected that. His hair had fallen across his brow again, and it looked like he had raked his fingers through it a few times before she opened her door. It had stuck up in whirls and tufts in all directions, messy but sexy at the same time. She had wanted nothing more than to reach out and smooth his hair back, cup his cheek, and cuddle him close. She smiled at the memory, and then thought “ _he looks like he could use a good cuddle.”_ She sat up straight and she felt her eyes grow bigger as she realized the direction her thoughts had been taking. Ignoring the pain in her ankle, she stood up and went to the small table in the corner where her work journal was.

            She flipped open the plain black mission notebook, and wasn’t surprised to see anything more than what she had entered her first day in Craigavon: her date and time of arrival, details of her employment, her schedule, and a rough sketch of the mission. When she turned the page, it was blank. She hadn’t even recorded the first meeting with Lupin, let alone Market day and the afternoon they had spent in the clearing. She hadn’t noted the time and date of when he picked up his Wolfsbane, or where he lived (she blushed as she remembered the morning run when she had bent over in front of his window, hoping to make an impression if he were there watching her), nor any of the times she had glimpsed him out the window or down the street.

            “A fine job you’re doing, Tonks. You can’t keep your mind off him, but everything you’re thinking about has nothing to do with the reason you’re here.” She stalked across the room to her bedside table and picked up her own personal leather bound journal. She didn’t need to open it to know that far too many pages at the back were dedicated to Remus Lupin, and the details recorded there were not what the Auror department was looking for. Giving in to the urge, she flipped it open and smiled when Remus’s face looked back at her from a crisp, white page. She traced the line of his jaw with her finger then scanned the words she had jotted down.

            _“Saw Remus today, but he didn’t see me. I think he’s avoiding me. I mucked up last week, I should have said yes. I wanted to say yes. Why didn’t I say yes? I didn’t say yes, and now he hates me. Not that I blame him_.” She grunted, torn between amusement and annoyance. “Merlin, I sound like a love-addled teenager” she murmured, before turning back a few pages. There, she had recorded the afternoon in the clearing, written down the things they had talked about, the things he had been excited about. The titles of books they had laughed at and others they had both wanted. She had described his face as he talked of his students and his laugh when a bird flying overhead had spooked her. She had jotted down her own responses to him, how she had felt when his fingers brushed her hair back, how desperately she had wanted him to kiss her when he did it. The more she read, the more her face began to warm.

            “Tonks, you have got to get back on track!” she said loudly, though no one else was in the room. She snapped the book shut and set it down on the table, then walked to the icebox for something cold to put on her ankle. Retreating to the sofa with a bag of frozen peas, she nearly jumped up again when a silver lynx slipped under the closed door and prowled around the room.

            “Officer Tonks, I received notification that you have planned a visit to Dublin tomorrow. I will meet you there for an update on your mission. Meet me at O’Shaunnessy’s pub at twelve o’clock; we will have a working lunch. Bring your mission journal with you.” The lynx nodded its head and then disappeared as rapidly as it had appeared.

            Tonks hadn’t even had time to think of an answer before the sleek cat was gone, and in her frustrated state, she forgot about her ankle. She jumped up from the sofa and resumed pacing, only remembering the pain when she was a few steps in. She glared down at the injured foot, then scooped up her wand. She muttered a quick healing incantation at it, then continued pacing, venting to herself about Kingsley involving himself on her day off, the lack of any mission related notes, and Remus’s behavior at the pub and in the hallway. Finally, her temper cooled, and she picked up her mission journal again.

            “Well, if Kingsley wants notes, I will just have to give him some notes. Lucky for me that I’m an auror, and I remember times and dates without having to write them down.” She nodded once to reassure herself, then sprawled across her bed with the journal and a quill. She spent the next hour detailing her interactions with Lupin in auror-speak, transcribing things from her personal journal and pulling other details from the file she stored in her mind. By the time she was done, the mission journal looked far less unused, and she thought Kingsley would be pleased with it. Her hand ached from all the writing, so she rolled to put the quill and notebook on her night stand. When she set them down, she saw the soft, white lily resting next to the lamp, and smiled.

            “One of these days, Mr. Lupin, we will have a conversation that doesn’t end in one of us stalking away from the other.” She stroked a petal with one finger before reaching up to turn the muggle lamp off, then settled into her bed. Sleep did not come quickly- she kept turning the evening over in her mind. Finally, she decided that she would have to push past whatever walls Lupin put up in front of her, because her mission depended on it, and Kingsley expected it of her. She was an Auror, first and foremost, and Remus Lupin was a mark. He had information she needed, and she would play whatever cards she had to to get it. With that thought, she finally drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. I’m not at all sure that I like this chapter. When I write, I like to write straight through and then get to editing. With this chapter, I only got a little bit into it before my husband came home, and he’s very distracting. Whatever train of thought I had going for this chapter had derailed by the time I got back to it two days later, and I don’t think this is quite what I had planned when I originally started it. I don’t think this is my best chapter, but thankfully, it is rather short. The next one should be fun. I hope you are enjoying so far; please review if you are. Tell me the good, the bad and the ugly, it can only help me get better.   
>  ~ Love4lupinalways


	9. Remus's Reflections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus reflects on all the people who have accepted his secret.

Walking away from Dora’s door was one of the hardest things he had done in a long time. Every fiber in his body felt pulled towards the beautiful, young witch, and the effect she was having on him was alarming. As Lupin walked home in the dark, he tried to push thoughts of Dora Edwards away. Unfortunately, his hand still tingled where their skin had touched and the scent of her apple blossom shampoo seemed to be permanently embedded in his sinuses. He glanced around, looking for anything that would take his mind off the woman, and eventually raised his eyes to the dark sky. The night was clear and the nearly full moon shone down on him. He could feel the familiar pulse in his blood and sighed. He was meant to pick up his Wolfsbane in the morning- the full was only a few days away, and he had been putting off visiting the apothecary because he had wanted to avoid the very pretty potions master. He made a mental note to get to the shop early in the morning, otherwise the potion would be ineffective.

                His upcoming transformation was an even more uncomfortable topic than Dora Edwards so he closed that line of thought off. Unable (and unwilling, if he were to be honest with himself), to distract himself with anything else, his thoughts drifted back to that day at the market: the afternoon he had spent in pleasant company discussing books and literature with someone who knew what he was and didn’t seem perturbed by it. He still couldn’t believe that she really didn’t care. She had practically shouted it at him the night before.

Remus was thoroughly befuddled by her declaration. He had only ever met six people who truly didn’t care about his affliction. Albus Dumbledore had promised him a “normal” life at Hogwarts, and had mostly succeeded. James, Sirius and Peter had realized the truth of his monthly disappearances on their own, and by fifth year, had figured out a way to keep him company. Eirith had only ever looked at him with love. She had known what he was nearly from the beginning due to a close friendship with Sirius, who hadn’t been able to keep his mouth shut one summer.  

Lily Evans Potter was the last. She had been a beautiful and kind soul, and the object of James Potter’s obsession since their first night at Hogwarts. It wasn’t until sixth year that she had finally given in to the chase, and the pair had been inseparable after that. They had graduated, gotten married, fought the Dark Lord together, gone into hiding, had a baby, and then, tragically, they had died together. It had been nearly fifteen years since their deaths, and as much as Remus missed James, he missed Lily more.

                Unlike the rest of the boys he had gone to school with, Remus Lupin had never harbored romantic feelings for the bubbly, vivacious redhead that had captivated both James Potter and Severus Snape. Instead, on their first night at Hogwarts, she had turned to him and introduced herself, and he had never forgotten the grin she had shot him as his name was called to be sorted. When they both ended up in Gryffindor, he had sat next to her at the feast table and they had spent the meal shoulder to shoulder, talking quietly while Sirius and James glared at them from the other side of the bread basket. Much like that afternoon with Dora, Lily and Remus had come up with topics of conversation easily, and before he realized it, the feast was over. Remus had never really had friends before- he had been bitten when he was four, and his parents had home-schooled him to keep anyone from finding out about the lycanthropy.

                The first time he had really talked with children his own age was on the train ride to Hogwarts, when he had shared a compartment with James, Sirius and Peter. Lily was the first girl he had ever really had a conversation with, and was the first female friend he ever had. His relationship with Lily Evans shaped how he would come to treat women for the rest of his life, and he smiled as he thought about how much Dora resembled Lily. “James would have liked her,” he thought to himself, kicking a pebble down the road ahead of him.

                Lily hadn’t known about his disease then; she didn’t actually find out until after she and James got together. One morning after a particularly brutal transformation, James had shown up to walk her to breakfast with bruises on his cheek and a long scratch down the side of his face. Madame Pompfrey had patched him up, but Lily wasn’t one to miss anything. She had pestered her boyfriend until he had finally asked Remus if he could tell her. Unfortunately, Lily had been standing on the other side of the door and burst in before Remus could answer. Instead of pestering James, she badgered Remus. Two hours later, after being locked in a small room with an angry redhead, Lupin finally came out with it. He was terrified of what she would say when she knew the truth, but he had known Lily well. They would have died in that room together, starved to death and petrified if he hadn’t told her.

                He remembered her face clearly. She had been yelling at him for the better part of two hours, and her green eyes were glittering like emeralds, her cheeks were flushed red and a deep furrow spread across her forehead. “I’m a werewolf, Lily,” he had shouted, trying to be heard over her scolding. She had continued to threaten him for a few moments before what he said sunk in, and suddenly, there had been silence. The three of them, James, Remus and Lily, had been standing in a loose triangular form, and Lily hadn’t taken her eyes off Remus since she had burst into the room. James was standing as close to the wall as he could, trying to stay out of the fray, and Remus had been backed against a professor’s desk, unable to do anything to really defend himself. Blurting out his secret had been a last resort.

                “Lily,” he had said, when she had finally fallen silent. “Lily, I’m a werewolf,” he had repeated, his voice much softer. It broke at the end and he had turned away, seeking out James, his friend, one of the Marauders who had done so much to help him. He hadn’t wanted to see the change come over Lily’s face- the fear, the distrust, the anger and disgust that so many people felt when faced with a dark creature. He hadn’t been exposed to much prejudice since coming to Hogwarts, but those years his father had taken him around Europe looking for a cure had made a lasting impression. He had still been facing James, swallowing hard to clear his throat, when a soft hand had landed on his shoulder. He hadn’t even heard her move and had flinched when she touched him.

                “Remus,” she had said, her voice soft and pleading. She had gripped his shoulder and pulled, trying to force him to turn to face her. “Remus, please,” she said, and her voice had broken. Lily had been one of his best friends, and it had pained him to hear her sound like that, so he had sucked in a deep breath and looked to James one last time. James had nodded reassuringly, and then Remus turned back to face whatever was coming.

                Lily’s face had still been flushed and her eyes bright, but there had been no hint of anger there anymore. No disgust, no fear. Instead, her eyes were bright with tears she was fighting to hold back, and her lips curved gently when he finally met her gaze. “Remus, did you think I wouldn’t still want to be your friend?” Her voice had been soft, and Remus had nodded, unable to speak. He had stood rigidly while her hands had slipped around his shoulders and she hugged him to her. She had held him for several minutes, and he had locked his eyes on James while she did, unsure of what to do. Finally, he had relaxed, and his arms had come up to settle around her waist. A weight had lifted off his shoulders, and when he had looked up several minutes later, he and Lily were alone. James had left to give them privacy, and Remus had never been more grateful to his friend.

                Telling Lily had been something he hadn’t even known he had needed. James, Sirius and Peter had become animagi to be with him on his transformations, and their presence had helped him. Those last few months before he told Lily, however, had been brutal, more like the full moons before he had company. After Lily knew the truth, his next transformation had been much less painful, and the four Marauder’s had spent the rest of their Hogwarts full moons roaming about the forest, racing and playing, instead of trying to restrain a volatile, angry wolf.

                Remus shook himself out of his reverie and was startled to realize he was back at his cottage. He hadn’t been paying any attention on his walk from town and smiled at the sight of the charming building. He was feeling better than he had been when he left Dora’s flat. Thinking of Lily often did that. She was the person who knew him best, even better than James and Sirius did. They hadn’t had an exuberant friendship, but the time they did share had been deep. Lily had known his darkest secrets, and he had known hers. He had felt more comfortable with Lily, and he hadn’t had that feeling since her death. Until now, that is.

                He knew, logically, that he hadn’t known Dora Edwards long enough to have that kind of feeling with her, but for some reason, he did. He felt the same sense of peace come over him when he saw her as he had when he’d spent afternoons with Lily, walking around the lake or along the castle walls, talking about life, death and everything in between. That comfort feeling was something he had been missing for far too long. There was something else though, something he had never felt for Lily.

                Dora Edwards made his pulse race. She made his mouth go dry and his heart beat painfully in his chest. His senses narrowed in on her when she was near, and everything was amplified. Sounds were louder and purer, tastes were explosive, scents were nearly overpowering. His skin tingled, even his hair seemed more sensitive. As corny as it sounded, colors were brighter and more vibrant when Dora was around. Everything seemed better. She was kind, and warm, and sweet. She was considerate and watchful, and clearly intelligent, interesting and he couldn’t help but notice that she was attractive.

                _“She says she doesn’t care_.” The thought snuck into his brain and took root. He tried to push it away, but it had been so long since he had felt this way. When Eirith had died, he had sworn to himself that he would live alone. It was too painful to lose the people he loved. James, Lily, Peter, Sirius, Eirith, his parents. Everyone kept leaving him, and when she had died, he had decided he had had enough. He had closed off that emotional part of himself. For nearly a decade, his self-imposed exile had suited him. That day a little over a year ago, when Albus Dumbledore had shown up on his door step and offered him a dream had changed everything.

                Teaching at Hogwarts was all he had ever wanted to do. He had spent many nights dreaming about it, sharing those dreams with Lily. She had never made him feel stupid. She had encouraged him, promised him that it didn’t matter that he was a dark creature. She had believed in him, and that had meant everything to him. When Dumbledore offered the Defense Against Dark Arts position, Remus’s memories of Lily Evans Potter were one of his major reasons for taking it. Her encouragement had meant everything to him, and he had wanted to make her proud of him. Accepting the teaching position was the first thing he had done for himself in many years. With a small smile, he decided that keeping Dora Edwards in his life would be the second. He was due to pick up his Wolfsbane the next morning; it was a perfect opportunity to speak with Dora again. Remus glanced at himself in the mirror and shook his head.

                “Have to do something about that, chap,” he muttered at his shaggy, downtrodden appearance. With a lighter step than he had had in days, he made his way into the loo to shave a few years off his face.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO SORRY for the delay in updating. I accepted a promotion/new position at work, and it's been exhausting. My brain has not wanted to spit out anything good in weeks. I have a week off, hopefully I can make a dent in the stuff I have planned.


	10. A Woman, a Man, a Dog, and some revalations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus makes his feelings.... clear

Nymphadora Tonks woke the next morning and was even more confused than she had been the night before. She lay in bed and replayed the evening in her mind, starting with her aborted dinner at the pub and finishing with Remus’s apology in the hallway. All of it was confusing. She was an Auror for Merlin’s sake, she should be focusing on the mission at hand. And that mission was getting close to Remus Lupin to discern his connection to Sirius Black. NOT getting close to Remus Lupin because he was attractive and intelligent and wounded. She rolled over and faced the wall, glaring at the cracked plaster as she remembered how his skin had felt against hers, how his thumb had stroked the back of her hand, how her heart had sped up when he brushed the strands of hair behind her ear. She groaned, annoyed at herself for allowing her mind to wander again, and huffed as she rolled out of bed.

She padded into her small washroom and a startled gasp slipped past her lips as she noticed her reflection. Her hair had morphed again without her notice. Instead of the soft, chestnut brown, it was now a vivid, angry, red. Her parents had always known when she was frustrated- her hair seemed to favor that shade when she was intensely annoyed.  She glared balefully at herself and watched as the red faded away to Dora Edwards’ brown. When it was done, she smiled at herself and quickly changed it to her favorite bright pink. Tonks spent the next half an hour changing her face and hair, laughing at herself as a rainbow of color filled the small room. Finally, she settled her features back into her natural state and started a shower. “Today is Dublin day,” she thought to herself, grinning widely as she stepped under the hot spray.

She was excited for the break the day trip would offer. She didn’t have to pretend to be someone else in Dublin, she could be whoever she wanted to be. She could be herself. She didn’t have to be mousy, smart, Dora Edwards, or tough, ass-kicking Auror Tonks. She could just be Tonks. As the hot water melted away some of the tension, she planned her look. She had missed her pink spikes and decided to pair them with her customary violet eyes. Her wardrobe left a little to be desired, but it was a good thing she was skilled in charms. A few minutes later, she was standing wrapped in a towel while her wand waved over a bland pair of trousers and an even more bland jumper. She grinned as the jumper morphed into a well-loved Wicked Sisters tee-shirt, and the trousers became a worn and torn pair of faded blue jeans that hugged her ass when she walked. A pair of brown loafers became scuffed, black ankle boots with a small, chunky heel, and her plain potioneer robes became a black hooded jacket.

Tonks dressed quickly in a pair of black slacks and a loose blouse, then tucked her transfigured clothes into a rucksack. Her shoes were innocuous enough to not draw any attention so she slipped her feet in and morphed her features back into Dora Edwards’ normal state. She tucked her wallet, wand, badge and mission journal into her bag, and opened the door. With a last glance around, she was satisfied she hadn’t forgotten anything. The door shut behind her and she grinned as she imagined Moody scolding her about her concealment charms, which she cast quickly before jogging down the hallway and stairs. She was excited for the break, and for once her feet cooperated with her as she took the stairs two at a time. That is, until she got to the bottom.

The sun was shining brightly and Tonks was blinded as she jumped off the last step. Her feet somehow tangled themselves and instead of landing gracefully, she stumbled forward. She stopped when she crashed into a warm, hard body, and groaned as two hands gripped her shoulders to keep her from face planting. She shook her head to clear the white sheen from her eyes and froze when she focused on Remus Lupin’s hazel eyes looking at her. His hands were still gripping her shoulders and his gaze met hers. They stood that way for several moments, Tonks half leaning against him, his hands holding her upright, their eyes searching.

“Uh… hi,” she murmured, her voice soft and strained. His hands relaxed as he gently pushed her back to help her regain her balance. His face softened as he smiled down at her. When she was standing again, his hands dropped away, and she shivered a bit as a breeze blew over her warmed skin.

“Hello, Dora,” he said, his voice soft, the timber of it coursing over her.

He tucked his hands in his pockets and took a step back, still smiling gently at her, and Tonks had a hard time processing coherent thought.

_“He’s shaved,”_ she thought to herself, glancing up and down his body. She felt her heart beat a little faster as she realized he had made an effort to clean up. He looked much better than he had in the pub the night before. His skin was pale but clear, and his brown hair was tamed. The gray was still prominent at the temples, but rays of sunlight were bouncing off strands of gold and made him look much younger. His eyes were bright as he looked down at her, and the laugh lines at the corners made her heart skip a beat as a smile broke out on his face.

“Good morning, Dora,” he said, before reaching a hand out to brush a strand of hair off her cheek. “I wanted to apologize, again, for how I behaved last night. You were trying to be kind, and I was a surly grouch. I would like to make it up to you, if you’d let me?” His hand lingered, shifting so that his palm cupped her cheek, and Tonks suddenly felt very faint. The feel of his skin against hers was more intimate than she was prepared for so early in the morning, especially after how she had yelled at him the night before, and it was a few moments before Tonks could find her voice.

“Hu… hullo, Remus,” she murmured in a quivering voice that didn’t sound at all familiar. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply as she tried to settle her nerves. Finally, her heart rate slowed, and she opened her eyes again. He was still looking at her with a soft smile on his face, and Tonks forgot what she had been about to say. Instead, she locked her eyes on his and returned his smile. They stood that way for several moments, saying nothing, only enjoying each other’s presence, until a large, black dog came stumbling towards them, barking excitedly. Tonks’ Auror instincts took over and she stepped back from Remus and reached for her wand in one fluid movement. Her mouth opened to stupefy the large beast, but Remus stepped in front of her wand and turned his back to her.

“That’s enough!” His voice was loud and stern, and there was no trace of fear in him as he faced down a giant Irish wolfhound who was nearly as large as he was. The dog whimpered and stopped in its tracks, is gold eyes boring into the man before it.

“Sit, Snuffles,” Remus commanded, and Tonks was surprised to see the dog did as it was told. “Stay.” The second command was slightly softer, and the dog whimpered again, then lay down with its head on its paws. The gold eyes stayed on Remus as he turned back to face her, and Tonks had to suppress a giggle when she saw the dog’s tail sweep side to side and form a dust cloud.

“Snuffles?” she said, her voice shaking with unexpended laughter. “When did you get a dog, Remus?”

“He’s not really my dog,” Remus replied, shooting a glance over his shoulder at the beast behind him. “He belongs to an old friend, and I’m keeping him with me for a few days while his master is out of town.”

“Well, he looks sweet, Remus, can I pet him?” Tonks didn’t wait for a reply; she swept past Remus and knelt in front of the dog. Before she could reach a hand towards him, he was up on all fours and a large, wet, black tongue was swiping over her face. Tonks giggled as the rough flesh dragged over her cheek and then spluttered when it crossed her lips to lick the other cheek.

“Snuffles!” Remus shouted, as he stepped forward and grabbed the dog’s collar. “Sit, I said.” Remus’s voice was stern, but Tonks could hear the slight hint of laughter lurking behind the façade, and grinned up at him.

“He’s sweet, Remus! It’s ok, really.” The moment the words were out of her mouth, the dog lunged, and Tonks felt the breath whoosh out of her chest as she fell backwards under a hundred pounds of furry beast. The dog continued to lick and nuzzle her, encouraged by her unrestrained laughter and the arms that came up to hug it to her chest. For several minutes, Remus could only kneel and watch, awed by the sounds coming from Dora and the excitement Snuffles was showing. Finally, Tonks gasped for breath and said “All right, all right, mate, I get it! Nice to meet you too.”

Remus reached out and grabbed the dog’s collar again, and pulled him back so Dora could worm out from under him. “He’s not usually like this with new people,” he said, as he stroked a hand over the dog’s large, glossy head. Snuffles turned his affections to his friend, and Dora froze as Remus’s laughter washed over her. She watched, dumbfounded, as the years slid off his face as laughter bubbled out of him, and she felt her heart thump in her chest. The sound of his mirth imprinted itself on her soul, and Tonks knew without a doubt that she had to get out of this mission. She stood quickly and brushed the dirt from her clothes as she backed away from him. She hoped that he couldn’t hear the thudding of her pulse and finally stopped when there were several feet between them.

“He really is very sweet, Remus,” she murmured, unable to take her eyes off the man who was now sprawled in the dirt and buried under the same giant lump of fur she had been under moments ago. He was still laughing, and Tonks smiled as she watched the man wrestle with the dog, tousling its fur, pulling its ears, and rolling it off him.

_“Oh shit. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit,”_ she repeated over and over in her mind. Tonks’ mind was racing. She hadn’t expected to see Remus this morning. Hadn’t expected him to touch her so gently, to smile at her like he had. Hadn’t expected to see and hear him laugh with the careless freedom of a young boy. She felt it in her heart, in her blood. She was falling. No, she had fallen. She had fallen hard, and now she was screwed.

“Remus, I…” she began, as she took another step back. He was still sprawled in the dirt, but he heard her.

“Enough, Snuffles,” he said, his voice stern again. He pushed the dog away and sat up, brushing at the dust covering his clothes. He ran a hand through his hair to straighten it and cuffed the dog affectionately on the head before lurching to his feet. “Sit, Snuffles,” he said, then stepped towards her.

“I’m sorry, Dora. He really isn’t like that usually. He’s not a very people-friendly dog. I haven’t seen him in awhile, he must have just been really excited. And he really seemed to like you too.” Remus grinned sheepishly at her before stuffing his hands in his pockets and coming to a stop.

“I hope you’re all right,” he said softly, his eyes scanning her mussed clothes and dirt smudged face. He waved his fingers at her and a few seconds later, she was as clean as she had been before Snuffles had made an entrance.

_“Wow, his wandless magic is really good,”_ she thought to herself as she met his gaze.

“Remus, I’m not working today. I’m actually going to Dublin for the day. Was there something you needed? I’m not sure McDounough is in yet.”

“I just came to pick up my potion,” he said, his voice soft. Tonks noticed that he flinched when he spoke, and was struck with pity for him. She couldn’t imagine how difficult it was to live with his condition, and to be so ashamed of it.

Snuffles grunted and got up from his seat. He settled next to Remus and nudged the man with his large dog head. Remus looked down and smile, and dropped a hand on his head, gently stroking the soft fur for a few moments before returning his gaze to Dora.

“If it’s not too much trouble, would you mind? Snuffles and I have plans for later today, and I would just like to get this over with.”

Tonks smiled gently at him, noticing the care he took with the dog, and felt her heart crack at the sadness on his face.

“Of course, Remus. Snuffles will have to stay out here, but you can come in with me. I’ll grab it for you.”

Tonks stepped past him to the back door of the shop and turned her key in the lock. She heard Remus mutter to the dog, and then took a steadying breath when she felt him step close behind her. The door stuck in its frame, and it took a couple nudges to get it loose. The distraction of having Remus so close to her broke her concentration enough so that she tripped as she stepped over the threshold. Just before her knee hit the ground, strong, warm hands gripped her hips and stopped her fall.

“You really should be more careful, Dora,” came a soft voice. Warm breath whispered over her ear, and Tonks shivered as she turned to face the man behind her. They were very close, and Tonks could feel her heart racing. His hands were still cupping her hips, and the heat of his skin was nearly searing her through the thin fabric of her blouse. Their faces were inches away; she was close enough to see the flecks of gold in the amber of his eyes, to see the small line of freckles that crossed his nose, to see the tiny, white scar peeking out of his eyebrow. Before she could stop herself, she raised a hand to his face, cupping his cheek as he had done to her earlier.

Remus felt his eyes widen when her hand touched his face, and he breathed deeply through his nose. His eyes remained locked on hers, and he had to bite the inside of his cheek from moaning at the feel of her skin against his.

“Remus, I…” she started again, her voice soft and husky. She caught sight of his pulse jumping in his throat, and slipped her fingers from his cheek, trailing them down his neck until they rested over his heart beat. She was suddenly afraid to meet his gaze again. Instead, she closed her eyes and tipped her face down, letting his breath wash over her, reveling in the feel of his pulse under his fingers. She didn’t want to see his face when she spoke again, so she pressed her forehead to his chest and leaned against him.

“Remus, I can’t do this,” she murmured. “And it’s not because you’re a werewolf. That has nothing to do with this. I told you I don’t care that you are, and it’s true. I really don’t care, and that’s not why I can’t do this.” Her fingers slipped away as she spoke, and she kept her eyes closed, even when his fingers gently lifted her chin. “I can’t do this… yet,” she said. “I can’t explain why right now, but I will, I promise.”

When she finally opened her eyes, she was shocked to see that he was only a hairsbreadth away from her. She could kiss him if she wanted to. “Ha, if I wanted to. Of course I want to,” she thought to herself.

His eyes were bright as he stared at her. He hadn’t said anything yet, but his fingers were still cupping her chin gently.

“Dora, I don’t know what this is, but I don’t want to lose it. I feel something for you. It terrifies me. But I think you feel it too, and that thrills me. I want to see where this goes. And I believe you when you say it has nothing to do with my illness. But I need to know what you mean. You say you can’t do this yet?”

He paused, waiting for her to meet his gaze again. When she finally did, he was surprised to see that her eyes had changed colors.

“Dora.” He said, his voice shocked. “Dora, why are your eyes violet?” He watched as her eyes widened in shock, and then suddenly his hands were empty. She spun away from him quickly and bolted for the door. By the time he realized she was leaving, she was gone. He reached the door just in time to hear the crack of Apparition and leaned against the door frame. His heart was racing in his chest, and his fingers tingled where they had touched her face. He leaned his head back and breathed deeply, trying to settle his nerves. He stood that way for several moments before a voice broke through.

“You want to tell me what that was about, mate?” Sirius Black stood before him, wearing shoddy black robes over black slacks and skin-tight black shirt. His hair was long and roguishly wavy, and his brown eyes glared at his oldest friend in a most unfriendly manner.

“What do you mean, Sirius?” Remus asked, as he scrubbed a hand over his face. “And shouldn’t you still be a dog right now? We are in public, after all.” He pushed away from the building and pulled the door shut. Dora’s key was still in the lock, so he turned it to seal the entrance, then tucked the key under the mat. He would send her an owl later so she knew where it was. With a last glance at the shop, he strode towards the trees surrounding the village, eager for their shelter. He could tell with one look at Sirius’ face that whatever he was upset about wasn’t going to wait.

“Come on, then, let’s find somewhere safe.” He barreled into the trees and set off at a run, knowing that Sirius would come behind him.


End file.
